Many twins will tell you that losing a twin is unlike other sibling losses. The depth and power of the twin bond that has grown over a lifetime cannot be duplicated by any other intimate connection. Their lives of shared experiences—both positive and negative—are embedded in their collective DNA.

I was speaking a few days ago to a young man in his thirties whose identical twin passed away about a month ago. His death was unexpected because his cancer had been in remission. I had spoken via Zoom a few times with him and his brother during the pandemic. The issue they were grappling with at that time had to do with being able to recognize and respect that they had personality differences that contributed to relationship tension from time to time. Since one young man was a bit more outgoing than the other, they worked at giving each other space without hurt feelings. Simply put, their differences did not become divisive because their communication about their different needs was shared and respected. In fact, getting to the heart of this issue enabled both to be more honest and authentic about their specific wishes.

The surviving twin is understandably bereft. He related that there is no one else in his life who knew everything about him—that precious gift to know someone instantly and deeply.

He talked about his identity. He is a twin and always will be, but how does one become accustomed to being a twinless twin? Fortunately, he has many friends, family members, and personal and professional obligations that help him stay busy and engaged in life.

He said that he felt very fortunate that he and his twin had worked through their minor emotional difficulties. While he can be at peace about that, he is suffering the deep traumatic loss of his brother and their connection. The twin bond is irreplaceable.

Photo by GoranH, Pixabay