It’s Never Too Late
Simon and Sid are forty-year-old identical twin men who reside in Europe. They live together, work at the same company, and until very recently sat next to each other on the same working team. Aside from a brief period in their early twenties when they worked at separate companies, they have been together.
A few months ago, Sid moved from one department to another in their company. The change was unexpected. A position opened and Sid was asked to fill it. Simon relates that since that time, Sid has initiated discussions about their moving to their own apartments. Sid told Simon that their life together is no longer sustainable and that he is fed up with managing issues of competition and jealousy. Simon shared that they both had a crush on the same woman at work; consequently, both agreed to do nothing about it because it would cause strife and conflict in their relationship.
Simon contacted me to talk more about the impending move and how it was going to impact him. Since Sid left their team at work, Simon has struggled to feel comfortable. He told me that a good workday is connecting by himself with some of his coworkers.
Understandably, he has many emotional concerns about how the upcoming separation from Sid will affect his psychological well-being. He expressed very legitimate fears about being lonely. Of course, I validated this concern and highlighted how twins especially are saddled with fears about loneliness and isolation when they imagine not having their twin around. I shared with Simon the personal difficulties I encountered when I separated from my twin sister. While many singletons naturally worry about going off on their own, twins have unique and specific challenges adjusting to living by themselves after years of relying upon twin company.
Simon wonders how people will relate to him as a single person. He and his brother have thrived thanks to the social capital benefits afforded by their twinness. Simon contends that he has always suffered with tremendous competitive feelings. He feels that Sid is the more likable, outgoing, and personable twin. Learning how to socialize with others on his own will require the capacity to work through a myriad of feelings.
He is legitimately frightened, worried, and skeptical. While intellectually he reasons that moving to his own place is the right thing to do, the prospect of facing the separation and adapting to the changes is daunting. Thankfully, a therapist in his hometown is helping him emotionally navigate this course. He wished to consult with me to hear my thoughts and feelings about the upcoming plan. He wanted my blessing and encouragement to persevere.
Since Sid initiated this situation, Simon has no choice but to follow through with the changes. In the short-term, Simon will likely face many developmental challenges that he had skipped over while growing up. Maintaining a long-term dependence on his twin has prevented both from moving toward a more independent lifestyle. I wish Simon all the best and admire his courage and conviction to follow through on what is sure to be a difficult transition, albeit a necessary one. Hopefully the move will be advantageous and successful for them both.