My twin patient “Linda” described going through a very rough patch with her significant other. While she was able to be supportive of him, Linda was flooded with intrusive thoughts about how gleeful her twin sister would be if her partner suffered a tremendous loss. She felt terrifying guilt about having such “evil” thoughts about her sister. She did not understand where they were coming from and was worried that I must think she is a terrible, sick person.

After she relaxed and we reestablished mutual comfort, we explored together where her thoughts emanated from. Her fantasy about her sister reveling in her suffering had multiple meanings. Linda remarked that her twin’s competitive coffers would be joyfully overflowing in the face of her calamity. She imagined her twin would feel victorious and celebratory to recognize that she was up while Linda was down.

Struggling to make sense of these seemingly random thoughts, she suddenly blurted out,

I am sick of feeling that my sister is better than me. I cannot fix everything in my life, and my sister cannot fix everything for me. I have worked so hard in therapy to come to the realization that I can manage situations on my own without invoking my sister in the mix. I just automatically go there with her when I am confronting a triggering event.

She does not want me to fail. I am projecting my thoughts onto her because I doubt my ability to handle things on my own. My childhood experience of relying upon her emotional strength, which she ultimately withdrew when we were older, triggers anger and resentment that no longer typifies our adult relationship.

Linda’s traumatic early childhood, as well as her twinship, inhibited her ability to develop a healthy sense of self. Her commitment to long-term therapy has ignited her awareness about becoming responsible for her feelings and distinguishing how or if they reflect her twin’s subjective view.

Image by Valeska Réon, Pixabay