Last month I was invited to speak at a mothers-of-twins annual convention. It turned out to be a different experience than I had anticipated because this gathering primarily included parents of adult twins, rather than young ones. I was excited and inspired by this unexpected shift as I treasure talking about adult twin development.

However, more importantly, what emerged for me at this conference was learning about the ties many of these women have forged with one another for more than thirty or forty years. They joined their respective mothers-of-twins’ groups when their twins were small and continue to nurture their connections through their ongoing involvement and investment in their local twins’ clubs.

Having such close and comfortable long-term affiliations, many talked openly and easily about their personal struggles and achievements. Many spoke about difficult medical situations they were facing, and some mentioned their spouses’ declining health. One woman emotionally shared her tireless efforts to acknowledge and include LGBTQ+ membership in twin clubs.

A number of women spoke to me privately as well as publicly about their twins’ relationships. They shared stories about twin estrangement, inequalities of success, and relationship difficulties. Perhaps the prevailing societal preconception that twins always get along has contributed to exaggerated distress if their adult twin children experience emotional ups and downs.

I acknowledged that most families are “messy,” contrary to public opinion or unrealistic social media portrayals. My writing and research elucidate why twins may have difficulties considering the pressures and expectations of twinhood. I felt humbled and grateful about the audience members’ comfort in sharing their stories without fear of judgment or criticism.

Photo by Anna Shvets, Pexels