You finally decided to stop doing everything for your twin because you experience no reciprocity when you need something from her. There comes a moment for some twin pairs when they are stunned and shocked into recognizing that their wishes and expectations from their twin are unmet, unreal, and unfounded. Interestingly, my most recent interactions with this dynamic have involved fraternal twins of the opposite sex. In each case, one twin has not emotionally come through for the other. One sibling has offered unwavering support and loyalty to their opposite-sex twin. However, when the tables are turned and the supportive twin is in need, they are left feeling abandoned, enraged, and sad.

Of course, this is not an uncommon scenario among siblings in general. However, twins demand an enormous payout from their twin, whether it appears justifiably reciprocal or expectable. Suddenly realizing that the twin connection is not what you had envisioned is terrifying and unprecedented.

Perhaps you have always assumed that your twin would do exactly what you have done if the tables were turned. Then the tables turn, and their response is not what you anticipated. The unselfish care that you took great pains to provide do not come your way. In fact, your twin may be incensed by your neediness, responding with annoyance and outrage about your request for help and solace.

I believe this situation is created by the twin mystique and the twins’ relative isolation from primary connections to their parents. Growing up, one’s twin is everything—mother, father, peer, best friend, protector, confidant, and loyal subject. With these feelings embedded in your unconscious and conscious mind, how can you not believe that your needs for mutuality, care, and affection will be responded to in kind? This traumatic betrayal may be the precursor to massive disappointment, disruption, and estrangement within the twin dyad.

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