The notion of accepting a less than desired outcome is a difficult lesson and a bitter pill to swallow. Often we strive to make things or have things go in the direction that we desire. This idea can apply to relationships of all kinds as well as to decisions we make about spending money, redecorating our home, or buying a car. We do our best to live with whatever consequences may result.

So it goes with making peace with your twin. I have counseled many twin couples who are upset because they are not getting along as well as they had hoped or expected. Their adult roles and responsibilities have added burdensome issues that have interfered with their expectations for closeness and reciprocity. These same conflicts can emerge in partnerships of all sorts. Yet twins do expect an enormous payoff.

Many twins express frustration and sadness about their unhappy twin connection. Gradually, however, as they begin to talk about their childhood and their perspectives, they begin to recognize the significant differences between them. When they can get to the point of understanding that their differences make them more capable of getting along rather than alienating them, they can experience a breakthrough in their attachment. They can develop a more tolerant and respectful attitude toward each other.

If you want your twin in your life, at some point you might need to admit a few things to yourself:

• My relationship with my twin is not as close as I would like it to be or how it used to be.
• My twin is not interested or capable of talking things through with me.
• I am disappointed and long for a closer connection with my twin.
• I struggle to accept compromise because I miss our idealized bond.

Identicality cannot always sustain twinship glue.

Photo by Bimo Agmi, Pexels