Twins often assume, perhaps inexplicably, that their same-age sibling thinks and feels exactly as they do. For instance, one twin might think, “I’m worried about X, so my sister must be worried too” or “I feel sad about Y; therefore, she must feel the same way.” This type of assumption often extends to guilt and other emotions: “I feel guilty about Z, and so must she.” The caretaking twin, often filled with compassion, empathy, and forgiveness, may cling to the […]

I have counseled many twins whose siblings were born with medical challenges. Even after these issues are resolved, the “healthier” twin often carries an enormous emotional burden, struggling with guilt, obligation, or resentment. Recently, I spoke with a female identical twin in her 50s, whom I will call Lily. She had been feeling unusually depressed, unmotivated, and sad—emotions that are uncharacteristic for her. She expressed confusion and self-loathing about her lack of motivation for self-care and a diminished interest in […]

What can happen when male identical twins grow up without developing an emotional connection? That is, while they shared academic and other activities as children, they did not exchange feelings or emotions about themselves or their relationship. Neither felt that anything was missing as this dynamic seemed normal to them. When they became adults and formed outside interests and romantic relationships, the twin connection could not survive because the brothers had not developed any tools to understand or make room […]

Many years ago, I spoke with a mom of eight-year-old twins who shared one of her daughter’s words of wisdom. Mom and daughter were spending special alone time together. Spontaneously, her daughter turned to her mom and said, “I don’t need my sister, I just miss her.” This sentence has stayed with me always as an illustration of a healthy intimate twin connection. Twins of all ages express varying needs for their twin. These can be experienced in terms of […]

Sibling relationships change significantly over the course of adulthood. As siblings choose partners and have children, unanticipated conflicts arise. Their capacity to tolerance differences becomes integral to their maintaining harmonious connections. However, with twin siblings, many people expect that their relationship will remain forever stable and compatible. Twins themselves seem to be acculturated into thinking and expecting that their childhood connection will seamlessly transition into an adult mindset. A young man in his early twenties (Ralph) contacted me to help […]