Sibling relationships change significantly over the course of adulthood. As siblings choose partners and have children, unanticipated conflicts arise. Their capacity to tolerance differences becomes integral to their maintaining harmonious connections. However, with twin siblings, many people expect that their relationship will remain forever stable and compatible. Twins themselves seem to be acculturated into thinking and expecting that their childhood connection will seamlessly transition into an adult mindset. A young man in his early twenties (Ralph) contacted me to help […]

The caretaking roles that twins take on for each other can be deep, lifelong, and genuine. However, when the power dynamic shifts, potential problems arise. An identical twin woman in her thirties (Leah) contacted me about her sister (Marissa). Leah has pleaded with Marisa to get professional help for her chronic medical problems, but Marisa refuses. Marisa wants Leah to leave her alone and not interfere. Listening to Leah’s angst and helplessness made me think of parents who cannot impact […]

Recently I have done a number of consultations involving the issue of having an abusive twin. Of course, this type of situation is not uncommon among nontwin siblings. However, it does not fit the stereotypical notion that twins are best friends forever. Nevertheless, on closer examination, it is not difficult to discern how certain twin dynamics can lead to this behavioral paradigm. Twins are exquisitely sensitive to each other’s feelings and needs. To keep their connection stable, one twin may […]

The intense outpouring of strong opinions regarding the issue of inviting one twin to a party and not including her sister has provoked an unexpected outcry on social media. I suggest that a more overarching issue has touched and inflamed many people: the cultural stereotyping of twins has been attacked and dismantled by the notion of separating the twins. Throughout the ages, twins have been portrayed as indivisible soul mates who will remain together forever in life and beyond. So […]

I have had the pleasure of working with several identical male twin pairs. Interestingly, in a number of instances, the parents of the twins reach out for help for their sons. Mothers and fathers alike are stunned and grief-stricken, at a loss to figure out why their closely bonded twins have stopped speaking to or seeing each other. They have little patience with or understanding about how or why the twin bond has collapsed. Never in their wildest dreams had […]