I recently listened to a podcast in which a guest spoke about envying her brother’s financial success. The host advised the caller to “follow the envy”—in other words, to recognize this feeling as an indication of what she wants for herself and to come to grips with why she has not accomplished those desires. I was struck by the relevance of this advice to twin relationships. Individuals often feel that envy is a pernicious feeling that evokes shame and self-loathing. […]

I frequently hear from moms looking for help with their adult twins. In most instances, the issues involve one sibling doing better than the other. The mom feels particularly conflicted when one twin is thriving while the other is struggling. Her desire to equalize the situation is understandable. However, her intervention may actually polarize the state of affairs even further. The mom’s well-intentioned efforts to help her discontented daughter may result in both girls feeling unhappy and undermined. While this […]

I am working with a father (not of twins!) who has difficulty managing his reactions when his three-year-old daughter has expectable childhood accidents. One time, she hit her head on a table while he was watching her. Another time, she got a splinter in her hand while playing with a friend outside. Neither of these situations called for a doctor or an emergency room visit. His daughter was initially scared after she bumped her head, but she promptly recovered. The […]

Sometimes my therapeutic endeavors are not successful. The following scenario is an example. A mom of identical twin men in their early thirties contacted me for help. Her sons were working to start a business together but were unable to stop fighting and screaming at one another. This was not the first time they had found themselves in the exact same situation. A few years prior, they shared a business that eventually failed due to pandemic-related circumstances. Nonetheless, even then, […]

I recently explained to my four-year-old grandson why my car had stalled a few times. He is fascinated with cars and trucks. I told him that the tow truck technician said that another mechanism in my car was probably draining power from the battery, which otherwise appeared to be in good condition. This is an excellent metaphor for how one twin monopolizes the energy in a twinship and leaves the other feeling powerless and defeated. I have worked many years […]