I work with a pair of identical twin women whose individual temperaments are as diverse as night and day. One of the twins, Sue, is a school nurse, and the other, Ellen, crunches numbers at a food warehouse business. Much of the focus of our work has been articulating the differences in the way they think, feel, and approach life. At times, Sue becomes frustrated when she expresses her needs and feelings because Ellen has difficulty grasping abstract concepts such […]

Working conjointly with twin pairs whose caregivers emotionally abandoned them to parent one another has given me a glimpse into the depth and distress of exclusive twin love. These siblings are not in conflict with one another. Rather, they seek guidance on how to separate from one another amicably because both desire permission to live individual lives. A pair of fraternal twin girls I counsel are preparing to begin their studies at the same university. Both agree on the importance […]

Those of you who follow my blog are familiar with the caretaker and cared-for dynamic within twinships. Essentially, one twin assumes the role of looking after the other—either consciously or unconsciously. This behavior can emerge organically or be influenced by parental expectations. I have been so fortunate to work with twins of all ages who seek my guidance when this dynamic is disrupted. Many caretaking twins simply become overwhelmed by their sibling’s demands. The caretaker begins to feel bitter and […]

Identical twins jokingly refer to fraternal twins as “second-class twins.” In French, they are called faux jumeaux, which translates as “fake twins.” A video clip about the Twins Days Festival in Twinsburg jokes that fraternal twins are illegitimate participants in the festival. Comedic allusions aside, fraternal twins face unique challenges. Their issues primarily arise from their blatant differences, whereas identical twins often suffer because of their similarities. I was recently reminded about the effects of distinct differences by a pair […]

Twins are often each other’s most intimate confidant. They share secrets, tricks, failures, and successes—no holds barred. They reveal thoughts and behaviors to their sibling without feeling judged or ridiculed. They have a sense of acceptance and understanding, no matter what. Occasionally, however, this stipulation is not honored. I have worked with a few twins who have deliberately chosen to keep significant secrets from their sibling to avoid upsetting the perceived balance of their connection. This hidden agenda emerges when […]