Many twins feel that anger toward their sibling seems wrong, regardless of whether they have legitimate reasons for such an emotion. Their close twin bond inherently leaves little room to vent disappointment or frustration. In my experience, both younger and older twin pairs struggle with this tension. They frequently speak about the injustices they have endured at the hands of their twin; nonetheless, the idea of sharing their anger with their sibling is met with resistance and fear. Most worry […]

Recently I have been thinking about the issue of twins and compromise because the subject has come up in a few of my patient sessions. Certainly I have learned about my own compromising behaviors as a twin and as an adult in my personal therapy. I recognized that my overriding inclination to compromise too quickly was rooted in my twinship, as well as in the dynamics of my family of origin. Growing up, my twin sister and I attempted to […]

I recently had a lovely conversation with the mom of seven-year-old identical twin girls. She and her husband are making an effort to schedule alone time. They have been reluctant to incorporate this into their routine, worrying that they would be overwhelmed and unable to manage their time. However, both she and her husband have expressed surprise at how easy arranging alone time has been. One twin is attending a dance class, and the other is involved in a sport. […]

An adult identical twin woman recently asked me if her parents’ reluctance to be honest with her and her sister regarding their academic test scores when they were eight or nine years old may have contributed to her suffering from “imposter syndrome.” Essentially, imposter syndrome occurs when someone feels severe and persistent doubt about her abilities or accomplishments. She either attributes any success to luck or believes that others cannot accurately perceive her deficits. This woman learned later in life […]

I continue to be awed by an acquaintance of mine who is a mom to eight-year-old identical twin girls. Some people comment that having twins is like having two singletons born close together, but without the experience of parenting identical twins, a person might never understand how difficult daily parenting decisions are with two same-age children. Let me give you an example. My friend decided to make a chart so that each of her daughters could work on behaviors that […]