In many situations, twins can motivate each other to do well. They are their sibling’s staunchest supporter and cheerleader. Especially in sports, if they are competing against each other, one will often say, “Even if I don’t win but my twin does, it still feels like a victory for both of us.” Many sets of twins have learned how to celebrate each other rather than react at the expense of the other. However, often this synergistic energy is absent. I […]

You finally decided to stop doing everything for your twin because you experience no reciprocity when you need something from her. There comes a moment for some twin pairs when they are stunned and shocked into recognizing that their wishes and expectations from their twin are unmet, unreal, and unfounded. Interestingly, my most recent interactions with this dynamic have involved fraternal twins of the opposite sex. In each case, one twin has not emotionally come through for the other. One […]

I’ve noticed an ironic similarity between our country’s division and twin estrangement. The polarization of ideas and beliefs has contributed to tremendous difficulties with communication and empathy about our differences. In the same vein, when I listen to twins who have experienced painful ruptures with their same-age sibling, sometimes I see a pattern whereby their developmental dyadic connection left no space or need to work through conflict. This issue crops up more profoundly between male twins, as female pairs are […]

I am well versed on how codependent attachments can create dysfunctional behaviors in singletons as well as twins. However, my recent experience treating an identical twin woman in her forties who lives on the East Coast has been an eye-opening journey for both of us. The intense and frequent emotional abuse perpetuated upon my patient by her twin sister has been happening for years. Her situation is similar to the dynamics in a romantic relationship where a woman is abused […]

Psychotherapists feel gratified and delighted when a patient’s conflicts are eventually transmuted via successful treatment. Like novelists, psychotherapists relish in their patients’ happy endings, especially if the therapeutic experience involved unearthing painful traumatic events that had interfered with the patients’ happiness and self-love. Naturally, this is not always the outcome, despite our best efforts. Regardless of our predilections, we have to stay within our patient’s self-imposed limitations and goals. I worked for a few years with a delightful young man, […]