When a twin who has seen a therapist in the past contacts me, he often tells me that his previous therapist shamed him by proclaiming that feeling abandoned, jealous, or guilty about his twin getting married, moving away, or having a better job is nothing short of selfish. This therapeutic lack of insight, empathy, and understanding about a twin’s state of mind in these predicaments drives me crazy. I imagine that if a singleton sibling were in treatment and these […]

As a seasoned clinician, I am well aware that insight is the gateway to change. I tell my patients that discovering fresh insights into our problems and ourselves is akin to opening a window that has previously been shuttered or stuck. However, in order to discover those insights, we must open that window to risk new behaviors and experiences that may feel out of reach or simply too intimating to contemplate. I was communicating electronically with an adult twin woman […]

A depressed and downtrodden thirty-five-year-old identical twin, whom I will call T., told me that his brother’s upcoming wedding will feel like a funeral rather than a wedding. Since his brother began dating his fiancée about two years ago, T. has been withdrawn and emotionally shut down. He was unable to attend family functions that included his twin and the fiancée because he felt that he could not be present or authentic. While this young man can intellectualize his feelings […]

An identical twin in his sixties recently told me that his parents were fiercely proud of him and his brother because they stood up for one another and closed ranks. I looked up the meaning of close ranks—it means to “unite, work together” or “unite in a concerted stand especially to meet a challenge.” I was struck by my patient using this phrase because he and his twin are presently in the midst of a horrific rift. They were singularly […]

I recently talked with an identical twin in her late twenties who shared an interesting conversation she had with two female cousins a few weeks prior. The three of them were talking about weddings, and my patient, Mary, told them her sister would be her maid of honor along with her best friend. Her cousins looked at her with astonishment and inquired, “But isn’t your twin your best friend?” Mary was taken aback for a moment. She had forgotten that […]