Why do some twin pairs find it so difficult to collaborate? Conventional wisdom suggests that their extraordinary bond would ensure exquisite attunement to one another. Yet, in my work with adult twins, I have encountered situations that demonstrate that this expectation of cohesion does not always materialize. Often, fierce tension emerges instead. This comes as a shock to both siblings, who previously believed that their partnership was inviolable. The story of a pair of identical twin men, who are now […]

As so many of us discover after a number of years of marriage, the exact qualities that attracted us to our beloved turn out to be personality traits that may contribute to our feeling unhappy, lonely, or sad later on in the relationship. This predicament can become especially intolerable if you have a twin who gets you, has your back, demonstrates unconditional love and acceptance, and needs to hear no more than a few words drop from your lips to […]

In my work with adult twins, I often notice a tendency to manage conflict by engaging a third party. For example, an adult man channels his contempt for his brother by communicating this feeling to his twin’s wife. He seems not to understand that this puts his sister-in-law in a bind. Should she be loyal to her husband or to her brother-in-law? Another young identical twin man introduces a female friend to his brother. Unbeknownst to him, the brother develops […]

How refreshing it is to write about a mom who understands what her identical twin sons need. Much of her success is rooted in the healthy relationship that she has with her identical twin sister. What moved me when we were chatting was how often she emphasized that her sister gave her space so as not to impinge upon or interfere with her happiness or success. Although they live miles apart, their strong emotional bond and easy intimacy allows them […]

Many parents of monozygotic twins recognize the importance of not dressing them identically. They often decide to dress the twins in different colors to simplify shopping and make it easier for others to identify who is whom. However, around the age of two to three years, children become keen to make decisions for themselves. Naturally, this developmental need for self-determination can lead to unintended conflicts. One solution for parents is giving the twins some control over choosing their own clothing. […]