Often, twins raised together are bound by shared trauma. Their dysfunctional families drove them to care emotionally and physically for each other and to depend solely upon one another for support and understanding. However, as they mature and their lives diverge, the widening gap between their individual experiences can lead to emotional rifts and resentment. For example, if one twin moves away or begins an intimate relationship, the other may feel that their bond is lost. While they may pay […]

I have written extensively about twins who feel that their attachment is adversely impacted by their connection to a significant other—a boyfriend or girlfriend, a spouse, a best friend, or perhaps a niece or nephew. Yet, the most tragic situation results when one twin is devotedly connected to his or her mother while the other is not. If this pattern of parental preference persists throughout the twins’ childhood and adulthood, it understandably leads to a contentious twinship. I am currently […]

“I never really knew who my twin was until . . .” Forcefully attempting to reconcile the twin of one’s childhood with the adult version is quite traumatic. Many twins are shocked to realize that their closest sibling has personality traits and character flaws that were not apparent while growing up together. Though this same recognition can happen with different-age siblings, coming to terms with a twin’s true persona is particularly shocking, especially when it results in adverse consequences for […]

Most of us experienced many emotional ups and downs during these long months of separation from loved ones or “too much togetherness” with our families. One bright spot for me amid this psychological mayhem was a conversation I had with an identical twin gentleman in his midthirties whom I had not spoken with in almost a year. He shared how spending more time alone induced positive changes in his outlook on life and on himself. The quarantine helped him reframe […]

Different-age siblings often have conflicting views about their brothers’ and sisters’ choices and viewpoints. Twins, however, may exhibit especially uncompromising attitudes when their perspectives are at odds with one another: “How can you date this guy? He’s much older, divorced, and has six children! What’s gotten into you?” I have witnessed this situation time and time again. Many adult twins contact me for help with their frustration and sadness when their sibling does not concur with them about particular personal […]