Many twins make successful adjustments when attending the same college. However, I often hear stories about unhappy twin pairs who go to the same university. In most of these cases, little or no thought has been given to the needs of both twins. While there may have been a fleeting notion about considering different universities, the idea is oftentimes dismissed or characterized as unimportant or frivolous. Also, many parents leave the decision-making up to the twins themselves rather than take […]

I am inundated with parental requests for help regarding their twins’ social struggles. Whether it’s primary school, middle school, high school, or college, these issues pop up and cause tremendous turmoil for twins and their families, who look for help to navigate through these dilemmas. In responding to requests from parents of twins of various ages, I believe that the root causes appear to be similar and longstanding. It stands to reason that if younger twins have been together most […]

In many situations, twins can motivate each other to do well. They are their sibling’s staunchest supporter and cheerleader. Especially in sports, if they are competing against each other, one will often say, “Even if I don’t win but my twin does, it still feels like a victory for both of us.” Many sets of twins have learned how to celebrate each other rather than react at the expense of the other. However, often this synergistic energy is absent. I […]

You finally decided to stop doing everything for your twin because you experience no reciprocity when you need something from her. There comes a moment for some twin pairs when they are stunned and shocked into recognizing that their wishes and expectations from their twin are unmet, unreal, and unfounded. Interestingly, my most recent interactions with this dynamic have involved fraternal twins of the opposite sex. In each case, one twin has not emotionally come through for the other. One […]

I’ve noticed an ironic similarity between our country’s division and twin estrangement. The polarization of ideas and beliefs has contributed to tremendous difficulties with communication and empathy about our differences. In the same vein, when I listen to twins who have experienced painful ruptures with their same-age sibling, sometimes I see a pattern whereby their developmental dyadic connection left no space or need to work through conflict. This issue crops up more profoundly between male twins, as female pairs are […]