Speaking to a lovely group of twin moms, I was struck by a dilemma plaguing one of the mothers. She related that, contrary to her own personal beliefs, her husband is passionately opposed to the idea that it is healthier for twins to be differentiated. He believes their six-year-old fraternal sons should wear the exact same clothes, and he does not see the value of spending alone time with each boy. He feels that the twin connection is sacred and […]
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What If?
What if my twin falls apart and I am not there to pick up the pieces? What if my twin never gets married? What if my twin cannot forgive me for moving away? What if my twin decides to quit running the business with me? Many of my patients tend to be trapped by catastrophic thinking, which involves ruminating about irrational, worst-case scenarios that will result in disaster. Sometimes, persistent negative thoughts stem from old beliefs and core values. Helping […]
Rupture without Repair
Sadly, in my work with adult twins, I encounter some pairs whose relationship collapsed due to an inability to resolve competition and conflict. In many instances, the primary sticking points are perceived and real inequities among the twins. For example, who is wealthier, who has the bigger house, who has the happier marriage, who has the more successful children, or who is more physically attractive? Of course, different-age siblings might confront similar issues; however, with same-age siblings, the stakes are […]
Did You Hear What I Said?
I recently read an article in the New York Times called “You’re Not Listening. Here’s Why.” that resonated with me. It states that we do not listen attentively to the people with whom we are most intimate because we assume that we know what they will say and consequently how we will respond. Over the years, my husband often expressed frustration with me for that very reason, contending that I listen more attentively to my patients than to him. Admittedly, […]
Insist, Initiate, Incorporate
I recently posted an article on Facebook about the social media backlash directed at a father because of his decision to spend time alone with each of his four-year-old twins. Apparently, many people accused him of inciting separation anxiety if he implemented this plan. Nonetheless, he offered valid and legitimate arguments for his intentions. He explained that before he and his husband decided to have twins, they spoke to many adult twins and asked about their experiences. He reported that […]