When I gave a presentation in Mexico a few months ago, I met a pair of well-mannered, bilingual twelve-year-old identical twin boys who attended with their mother. They explained that they were being bullied at their school and didn’t understand why. In previous years at the same school, both boys had many friends and felt comfortable and happy with their group of peers. I did not have adequate time to address their feelings, but I could empathize with the shame […]
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A Review of the Novel The Grammarians
A friend of mine is a bookseller who often tells me about newly published works. Knowing my interest in twins, she suggested that I read the latest novel by Cathleen Schine, titled The Grammarians. The book’s protagonists are red-haired identical twins named Laurel and Daphne. The author explains that their names reference a Greek myth in which the river god Peneus turns the nymph Daphne into a laurel tree to protect her from Apollo. The novel is an easy read […]
How Labeling Ignites Conflict
Twin pairs that grew up with inadequate parental guidance and blatant favoritism develop an emotional hierarchy between themselves that ultimately erodes their connection. In many of the pairs I have treated, the preferred twin is viewed by her sibling as cold and insensitive. In turn, the twin who feels second rate is often described as overly sensitive and needy by her counterpart. The twin who receives preferential treatment is often profoundly conflicted. While she relishes her acclaimed position, she also […]
Estrangement Can Make You Feel Like a Twinless Twin
When we hear about a twinless twin, we likely associate that description with someone whose twin has passed away. Nonetheless, some people who are estranged from their same-age sibling can also feel like twinless twins even though their sibling is still very much alive. Since much of my work revolves around twin pairs who struggle to reconnect or who must come to terms with being estranged, it feels apt to acknowledge that one can feel like a twinless twin when […]
Did I Make My Twin Crazy?
It breaks my heart when I speak to an identical twin whose sibling has a psychiatric disorder. In addition to the healthy twin’s distress and sadness about her sibling’s state of mind, she often believes that she somehow contributed to her sister’s mental condition. Most of the twins I have worked with experience an enormous sense of guilt and shame over their sibling’s psychological disturbance. The healthy twin can identify specific experiences where her sister may have felt resentful of […]