Many of my twin patients succeeded in working through uncomfortable, hostile competitive feelings toward their twin. They reached a point where they could authentically feel happy and supportive of their twin’s successes and accomplishments. However, when these patients grapple with new emotional struggles and conflicts, they again become susceptible to comparing their circumstances with their twin’s. The comparison triggers deep-rooted feelings of envy and guilt that stem from a shared childhood of caretaking and accommodation. This comparative default position holds […]
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I Wouldn’t Be Like This If I Had Your Life
An identical twin woman (whom I will call Jody) in her midseventies described her lifelong commitment to caring for her sister, Ellen. She said, “When I received my waitressing tips, I dumped them onto the table so that Ellen could take her share.” She explained that after she and her twin were abandoned by their mother at age two, they kept one another emotionally afloat and forged an unbreakable bond. However, life has not been easy for Ellen. In the […]
YouTube Twins Longing for Individuality
These delightful twenty-seven-year-old fraternal twins contacted me to discuss their relationship. This video is a condensed version of our hour-long session. Both women are committed to discovering their individuality. Working and living together has put a strain on their twinship—each longs to develop her own voice. Therapy will help them to handle conflict and assert their unique identities. Image from “Twins Go to Twin Therapy for the First Time!: What Being a Twin Is Really Like” by Poonam & Priyanka
Candice Breitz and FACTUM: Artful Videos of Identical Twins and Triplets
A friend of mine who is an art collector told me about a video project entitled FACTUM, made by artist Candice Breitz. The information below describes how Breitz interviewed multiples separately and then edited the responses to illustrate the siblings’ shared and divergent feelings about their childhoods and personalities. Since the videos are quite lengthy, try to watch them when you are not pressed for time. Otherwise, appreciating the nuanced differences between the identical siblings is difficult. Below is a […]
Evolving from We to Me
In my writing and presentations, I frequently mention the difficulty twins have with becoming self-ish—that is, learning how to discern their individual feelings, needs, and desires. Understandably, this is a difficult task because they grew up in a twin bubble. The stability of the twin bond requires mutual accommodation to survive conflict and differences. This equilibrium endures in a largely unconscious manner. As a result, multiples who are invested in discovering their individuality struggle to disentangle themselves from the twin […]