A mother of seven-year-old identical twin girls requested that I write a blog post specifically to help parents of nontwins understand why some twin pairs struggle to make friends with their singleton peers. This mom described a very familiar dynamic: one daughter’s friend wanted her exclusive attention instead of having to share it with the twin. Naturally, this seven-year-old was torn between her loyalty to her twin and the desire to make her own friend. Most identical twin girls at […]
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A Part of Him Will Always Be with His Twin
A woman in her late twenties recently told me that her identical sister’s boyfriend planned to break up with her because of her twinship. Twin pairs who marry other twins often avoid the heartbreaking complications that burden singletons who are romantically involved with a twin. In my experience, the issues are more dramatic if the twin pair is identical. I have spoken with many women who are blindsided by their husband’s relationship to his twin. If the male twins essentially […]
Let’s Differentiate Comparison from Competition
Many of my twin patients succeeded in working through uncomfortable, hostile competitive feelings toward their twin. They reached a point where they could authentically feel happy and supportive of their twin’s successes and accomplishments. However, when these patients grapple with new emotional struggles and conflicts, they again become susceptible to comparing their circumstances with their twin’s. The comparison triggers deep-rooted feelings of envy and guilt that stem from a shared childhood of caretaking and accommodation. This comparative default position holds […]
I Wouldn’t Be Like This If I Had Your Life
An identical twin woman (whom I will call Jody) in her midseventies described her lifelong commitment to caring for her sister, Ellen. She said, “When I received my waitressing tips, I dumped them onto the table so that Ellen could take her share.” She explained that after she and her twin were abandoned by their mother at age two, they kept one another emotionally afloat and forged an unbreakable bond. However, life has not been easy for Ellen. In the […]
YouTube Twins Longing for Individuality
These delightful twenty-seven-year-old fraternal twins contacted me to discuss their relationship. This video is a condensed version of our hour-long session. Both women are committed to discovering their individuality. Working and living together has put a strain on their twinship—each longs to develop her own voice. Therapy will help them to handle conflict and assert their unique identities. Image from “Twins Go to Twin Therapy for the First Time!: What Being a Twin Is Really Like” by Poonam & Priyanka