Twins fight constantly. The interminable squabbling is a drag and a drain. In some ways, this power struggle is another aspect of the twin connection. This dynamic is often encountered in couples whose quarreling becomes the primary way they feel connected. If possible, it’s best to address the issue of fighting between twins sooner rather than later. As much as twins are each other’s biggest rival, they are also one another’s staunchest supporter. How can parents minimize tension and competition? […]
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When Twins Break Up
Twins who do not get along with their sibling definitely feel a sense of loss. Although the rupture most likely begins with anger and resentment, the ultimate split results in a distressing emotional upheaval. While this estrangement is not tantamount to the death of one’s twin, the split can nonetheless intensify painful feelings of grief and regret. Acknowledging that one’s twin connection is no longer special or comforting is heartbreaking. In fact, some twins feel tremendous shame over the split. […]
Establishing Uniqueness
The following article was recently published in the Beauty section of Dazed Digital. The author, Layla Haidrani, was kind enough to give me permission to share her reflections on the subconscious fears that led her to first copy her twin’s appearance and then cultivate her own signature look. How Having a Twin Changed My Beauty Identity Layla Haidrani In fear of her twin being perceived as “the prettier sister,” for the last few years, Layla has been emulating sister Salma’s […]
No Room for Healthy Competition
My work with twins has highlighted how they often have difficulty handling conflict and competition. Rather than agreeing to disagree or listening to their twin’s perspective, they are driven to win instead of compromise. I believe this lack of emotional maturity results from the fact that they are still struggling to come to terms with their individual identity and therefore are still fighting to beat their rival rather than respectfully accepting their differences. Isn’t it ironic that twins, who are […]
When Will My Twin Daughters Make Independent Decisions?
A mom of ten-year-old identical twin girls called to ask for advice and reassurance. The mom said that both girls are doing well in their separate classes at school. She has tried diligently since they were quite young to direct them toward separate activities. Sometimes she is successful and other times frustrated. We talked about how similar monozygotic twins’ interests and skills often are due to their identical DNA. Both girls play the same musical instrument and share a group […]