The documentary Three Identical Strangers reveals the story behind the uncanny, mystical reunion of nineteen-year-old identical male triplets who had been separated at birth. The details of the boys’ adoptions are horrific—the boys and their adoptive parents were deliberately uninformed about the boys’ siblings, and the adoption agency collusively conducted a secret experiment on nature versus nurture variables using adoptees. Dr. Peter Neubauer, a prominent child psychoanalyst at the time and the head of this experiment, was a proponent of […]
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College Caretaking Casualties
Though the majority of calls that I receive are requests for advice, I had the pleasure of speaking with a female college-age twin about her journey of separating from her sister. I was delighted to hear how she and her sister have been approaching this subject honestly and mutually. Both women realize that their familiarity with one another has limited their ability and motivation to socialize with others. They recognize that they need to do more on their own and […]
Soul Mates or Cell Mates?
Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]
Finding Their Other Half
“I think my daughters are struggling with a desperate need to separate but are also struggling with gaps in their own individual skill sets because of their twinship. Where one has a weakness, the other may be strong.” This quote is from a mom of identical twins in their early twenties. In my years of working with twins and their families, I have learned that this conundrum of feeling incomplete without one’s twin is a common and expectable emotional dilemma […]
Commentary on the NPR Review of Three Identical Strangers
I was very moved by Ella Taylor’s review for NPR about a recently released documentary called Three Identical Strangers. While I have not yet viewed the movie, I have read about the three adopted men who were coincidentally reunited in their late teens by quirky acts of fate. The reunion of multiples separated at birth is an inevitable media sensation. When I mention that I am a psychotherapist who specializes in twin issues, nine times out of ten, people’s first […]