The psychological effects on twins who are identified as the “good” or “bad” twin are well documented in various writings by Vivienne Lewin, Barbara Klein, and Dale Ortmeyer. The emotional fallout often continues well into adulthood. Understandably, many twins who have been raised this way are completely estranged from one another. The bad twin feels betrayed that his twin colluded with their parents in perpetuating this split. While the good twin relishes the special role that he has coveted, he […]
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The True Nature of Twinship
Vivienne Lewin is a colleague who has written extensively about twin relationships. She graciously allowed me to share an article about the multifaceted complications of a twin connection that she wrote for the Hippocratic Post on April 16, 2018. Twinship: A Subversive Relationship Vivienne Lewin Twins generate a great deal of excitement and curiosity, and with the increasing frequency of twin births as a result of IVF and later age of conception, amongst other factors, it is important to understand the […]
Thou Shalt Not Covet
I spoke with an identical twin patient in her late twenties the other day about her defensive need to stay in a self-hating mindset. In light of our ongoing work together, this young woman recognizes that she is afraid of relinquishing this mindset because it protects her from getting in touch with other, more threatening and pernicious feelings. In our last session, I asked her to imagine what might feel intolerable if she were to experience herself in a positive […]
Do I Take Care of Myself or My Twin?
I received an e-mail from a college-age female twin whom I will call Molly. Molly reached out to me because she was feeling worried and frustrated about her relationship with her sister Maddy. Although Molly and Maddy were now in their second year of attending separate colleges, Molly felt ongoing concerns about their twin relationship. Molly and Maddy are the eldest children, with three younger siblings. Molly described that she and her sister were basically treated as a unit most […]
Tilting at Windmills
Many psychotherapists feel disheartened and discouraged when treating a couple who appear unable to reestablish trust and stability. A similar situation occurs with twin pairs who struggle to get their relationship back on track. Working through upsetting events and traumatic feelings requires a tremendous amount of effort, dedication, and commitment. I am helping a pair of identical female twins in their midfifties to listen to one another more effectively and rekindle their connection. A number of complex variables hindered the […]