I received an e-mail from a college-age female twin whom I will call Molly. Molly reached out to me because she was feeling worried and frustrated about her relationship with her sister Maddy. Although Molly and Maddy were now in their second year of attending separate colleges, Molly felt ongoing concerns about their twin relationship. Molly and Maddy are the eldest children, with three younger siblings. Molly described that she and her sister were basically treated as a unit most […]
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Tilting at Windmills
Many psychotherapists feel disheartened and discouraged when treating a couple who appear unable to reestablish trust and stability. A similar situation occurs with twin pairs who struggle to get their relationship back on track. Working through upsetting events and traumatic feelings requires a tremendous amount of effort, dedication, and commitment. I am helping a pair of identical female twins in their midfifties to listen to one another more effectively and rekindle their connection. A number of complex variables hindered the […]
Like an Old Married Couple
A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Twin Caretaking: Confusion and Conflict
I am currently working with three women who are attempting to navigate the emotional turmoil wrought by their assuming a caretaking role with their identical twin sisters. The caretaker role in these instances means that one twin has sacrificed her own feelings and needs in the service of protecting and parenting her sister. Each twin comes from a different background. One woman was raised in a rural area by a family that was disorganized and chaotic. The second woman grew […]
It’s the Little Things
I am often reminded by my patients who have young twins how important it is to take note of the little things that parents can pay attention to in order to foster their twins’ separate identities. A mother of seven-year-old identical twin daughters told me the following story. Daughter A told her mother that she wanted to take a bath by herself, not with her twin. Her twin, Daughter B, became angry and belligerent, nagging her mother to let her […]