Often when one twin contacts me to request help with a specific twin issue, she has an underlying assumption that I will or should suggest seeing them together. Even if she has had prior experiences in therapy with her twin where little is accomplished, she resists the notion of discussing the issues independently. When I listen to her rationale in favor of conjoint therapy, I wonder about the one twin’s capacity or willingness to confront the conflicts on her own. […]
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Invite Just One Twin for a Playdate
I had the pleasure of spending a few hours with a psychologist who specializes in teaching parents and children essential social skills. She mentioned that she has a number of twins who attend her groups, and I was intrigued to hear about how she helps identical twins learn to socialize with their peers. From the outside looking in, many people watch twins play effortlessly with one another and wish that their children were able to get along so well. While a twin […]
My Presentation in Santiago
Parents of multiples the world over have some similar concerns when it comes to raising their children—issues of identity, rivalry, competition, and comparison are all common. What is so strikingly interesting is how cultural differences affect the importance of these concerns. I have just returned from a two-week vacation in Chile. In Santiago, I had the pleasure of addressing an overflow audience of parents who came to listen to my presentations about parenting twins and the emotional challenges of adult […]
The Wonders of Therapy
I met a former patient of mine one day for coffee. We had not seen one another since she graduated from college. Like many college graduates, Shelley, who is a twin, is looking for a job and feeling quite frustrated. She is fortunate to be able to live with her family while she is job hunting and making some money by waiting tables. The issues that Shelley and I worked on about three years ago are no longer bothering her. […]
All You Need Is Love
A mother wrote me and asked me to address a matter that coincidentally corresponds to a news story that has engendered passionate feelings and opinions. Married gay partners who fathered boy/girl twins with a surrogate split up and moved with their biological offspring to opposite coasts. The couple’s selfish intent to rob the twins of their connection seems unfathomable. The reader’s inquiry also involves a divorce. However, contrary to these men’s selfish motives, this mother is deeply concerned about doing […]