A few months ago I received an e-mail from a gentleman asking for marital advice. He had been married for four years to his wife, an identical twin. He described that his wife grew up in a terribly dysfunctional alcoholic family. She and her sister survived the ordeal by relying on one another. While I am not privy to many details, I have imagined or assumed what must have transpired to give rise to the marital difficulties. The husband described […]
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When One Twin Is Held Back in School and How It Affects Their Emotional Well-Being
I’ll never forget being kept back in the fourth grade while my twin sister, Fay Louise, moved ahead. I’m sure it was the final proof I needed as a frail, indecisive child to convince me that I was inferior. For years, I believed I wasn’t as smart as my sister. I refused to give myself any credit for having been ill and kept back for that reason. I was “dumb” and I played that record over and over, a thousand […]
I Must Keep Reminding Myself
I must keep reminding myself that most people are, understandably, unfamiliar with emotionally laden twin dynamics. For obvious reasons, one would not know or be interested in these relationships unless he or she were a twin, were parenting twins, or were counseling twins. What seems obvious to me often results in an aha moment for those unfamiliar with the psychology of twins. I was telling my colleague about a twin patient of mine who struggles mightily with the challenge of defining […]
The Psychology of Twins—Who Knew?
I have just returned from a glorious two-week stay in Argentina. I will need to “detox” from all the delicious meat and fabuous red wine that I happily consumed during my time there. I gave a presentation to a wonderfully warm and engaging group of parents of multiples who appreciated hearing my particular views and philosophy about raising twins. Prior to my trip, I encountered incredulous responses to my telling people that I had been invited to give a presentation about […]
Can a Twin Connection Mask Emotional Vulnerability?
My London-based fellow “twin therapist” and I were discussing a case that she is treating at the moment. A family whose eighteen-year-old identical twin daughter withdrew from college at the beginning of her second term contacted my colleague for help. This exceptionally bright and accomplished young woman fell apart at college and was forced to take a medical leave of absence. It is difficult to speculate about the variables that may have contributed to this unsettling and unexpected chain of […]