Sam, a bright young man in his early thirties, came to see me because he felt abandoned by his identical twin brother Ryan. My patient was distraught because Ryan had changed so drastically since he started to see a psychotherapist. Sam had believed unequivocally that he and Ryan were destined to work together as singers, actors, and performers. Sam had organized his entire professional life on the assumption that he and his brother would be an artistic collaborative team. However, […]
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Twin Lethargy—Not Twin Synergy
When I was in fifth grade, we had to complete a class project that involved choosing a proverb that had special meaning and artfully making it into a parchment manuscript. I have always remembered the maxim I chose: “The easy way is not always the best way.” While I had little realization of the unconscious meaning of that idea in my ten-year-old thought process, I can make meaning of my choice in hindsight. While this is a subjective interpretation on […]
Twinsburg Revisited
Every day I open my Google Alerts to read the latest news stories that relate to twins. The usual fare includes movie stars giving birth to twins; stories about conjoined twins; tragic circumstances surrounding the birth and death of twin pairs; and, during baseball season, a plethora of stories about the Minnesota Twins baseball team. When I read through the offerings the other day, I was delighted to discover a fantastic piece written by identical twin men who made their […]
A Mirror or a Shield?
The other day I was speaking with a female twin in her midtwenties about her high-school experience. She told me that she enjoyed those years so much because her twin sister shielded her from feeling overwhelmed, intruded upon, and overexposed. This surprised me because she had always talked extensively about her sister being her “mirror”—needing to get continual validation from her twin about her clothing, hair, and general overall appearance. I was struck by how this young woman experienced the […]
“I Saw Her from the Outside”
The struggle to feel like a separate person after years of being a twin involves hard work, motivation, and insight. A young woman in her midtwenties has been working diligently in therapy to feel distinct and differentiated. The other day in our session, she was describing an epiphany she had while she was helping her sister move into a new office. Understandably, her sister was stressed and overwhelmed in view of her situation; characteristically, she snapped at my patient and […]