Recently I have been thinking about the issue of twins and compromise because the subject has come up in a few of my patient sessions. Certainly I have learned about my own compromising behaviors as a twin and as an adult in my personal therapy. I recognized that my overriding inclination to compromise too quickly was rooted in my twinship, as well as in the dynamics of my family of origin. Growing up, my twin sister and I attempted to […]
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The Vicissitudes of Twin Loss
In the last few months, I have been working with two grieving families. In both instances, a fraternal twin died owing to accidental circumstances—a drug overdose and an automobile collision. The man was in his late thirties and the young woman in her late twenties. While my heart goes out to those who have lost a loved one, I am inclined to be most concerned about the surviving twins and their well-being. In both cases, the surviving twin was the […]
Stop and Smell the Roses
I recently came across this quote that resonated with the blog that I wrote last month about parents of twins feeling overwhelmed times two. Psychoanalyst Dr. Steven Mitchell, on p. 147 of his book Hope and Dread in Psychoanalysis (Basic Books, 1993), wrote these words: When my older daughter was about two or so, I remember my excitement at the prospect of taking walks with her, given her new ambulatory skills and her intense interest in being outdoors. However, I […]
Call Me Old Fashioned
Having grown up in the nondigital era, I am still coming to terms with living in a world where no one wants or values privacy. The video clip of the reunion of the ten-year-old Chinese twins separated at birth that recently aired on the Today show seemed like an exploitative invasion of and impingement on a life-altering experience that should have been privately celebrated by these vulnerable young girls. While I do understand the excitement of unexpectedly discovering the twins’ […]
Ganging Up on Mom
A twin mom with four-year-old fraternal daughters called me for help with a behavioral issue. She discussed her frustration about her daughters’ inability to be patient and considerate while she attends to one of them. For example, she described a situation in which one of her daughters demanded her immediate attention. She had fallen off her chair unexpectedly and was startled. At the moment Mom rushed to comfort her, the other daughter started to scream that she had a “drastic” […]