I have been doing conjoint therapy sessions with various pairs of twins and have been intrigued by the dynamic whereby one twin is hyperfocused on needing to be “right.” One twin in particular demonstrates a persistent urge to feel superior. In fact, one young woman became very upset with me when I responded with understanding and validation to her sister’s perception about an incident. She explained how my supporting her sister’s subjectivity implied that I believed she was wrong or […]
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I Can’t Say It Any Better
I have often remarked that parenting multiples involves expansive scheduling along with enlightened thinking. The following article describes how a mom of triplets came to recognize and appreciate what her daughters needed and how she made sacrifices to accommodate each of them. It originally appeared in Multiples of America’s Notebook magazine (Fall 2015) and is reprinted here with permission. WHAT I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN By Sherry Santa, Higher Order Multiples Coordinator, Multiples of America Six years ago if […]
Does Parenting Shift with Zygosity?
Dr. Nancy Segal published an interesting article in the latest edition of Twin Research and Human Genetics titled “Zygosity Diagnosis: When Physicians and DNA Disagree.” A portion of the article is devoted to a mother’s reaction upon discovering via DNA testing that her two-year-old daughters are monozygotic, not dizygotic, as she had previously believed. I am reprinting a paragraph from the article that quotes this mother’s response to this new information. I find what she says perplexing and incomprehensible. Instantly, […]
Don’t Date My Sister
A mom of eighteen-year-old twins asked me to help her understand why her son adamantly denied his sister permission to date his friends. Both attend separate schools and thus have different social groups. While I did not know all of the particular details, I shared some ideas about why her son might be feeling this way. Since most adolescents are very wary of parental scrutiny and intrusiveness, perhaps this young man did not feel comfortable allowing his sister into his […]
IVF and Empty Nest
In my workshop about adult twins at the Multiple Births Canada Conference in Edmonton, one mother shared her grief about her twins going off to college. She recounted that her twins were conceived on her last and final IVF attempt, and they have truly been a gift. Other moms in the group had diametrically opposing outlooks. They were looking forward to a lifestyle liberated from child-rearing concerns and responsibilities. Having personally experienced separations from my children as well as counseling […]