A father of twins raised a poignant dilemma during one of my recent presentations. He feels terribly uncomfortable praising one twin for his special talent and not being able to do the same for his other son. Specifically, he is uncomfortable complimenting one son’s musical skills because his brother does not demonstrate the same proficiency. He feels guilty and unclear about treating each one differently. That this dad equates praising one son as diminishing the other illustrates how much this […]
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Pathological Accommodation
When I first read about a psychological process called pathological accommodation during my psychoanalytic training, I was struck by how it might also be useful in understanding some aspects of twin relationships. The concept originated out of the work of psychoanalyst Dr. Bernard Brandchaft. Dr. Shelley Doctors, another prominent psychoanalyst, describes how to understand this dynamic in terms of the mother-infant dyad: A person, likely from infancy onward, learns essentially to erase him- or herself in order to have a […]
What’s a Mother-in-Law to Do?
I was recently attending the birthday celebration of a friend of mine who turned 85 years old. She is a vital, energetic, engaged woman who is a terrific role model for aging gracefully and graciously. This friend has developed a fascination about twins ever since we met about ten years ago. I call her the Twin Magnet because she seems to find and meet twins wherever she goes. In addition to the twins themselves, she has introduced me and my […]
Young Twins Making Friends
Most parents are captivated by their twins’ connection to each other. In fact, this twin bond often helps to compensate for the many difficulties and challenges that parents face when raising twins—the constant fighting, the ongoing competition for time and attention, the never-ending complaints about who has what. The wonderful aspects of the twin bond can be seen often while watching twins play. Seeing the creative and imaginative content that emerges out of their twin synchrony can be impressive and […]
Aussie Parenting Advice
I recently read an article on the Internet about triplet families from Australia, and it referenced a book titled Twins: A Practical Guide to Parenting Multiples from Conception to Preschool by Katrina Bowman and Louise Ryan. The book was initially published in 2002, and a revised edition came out in 2014. The latter edition has a new section dedicated solely to triplets. Immediately I ordered a copy and read it. The book is easy to read and organized from conception […]