I was intrigued by an interview on www.huffingtonpost.com, conducted on April 4, 2014, entitled “How Identical Twins in College Handle Dating.” Identical twin girls in their sophomore year at the University of Texas in Austin talked about how much they enjoy dressing the same, completing each other’s sentences, and studying the same major so that they can go into business together after graduation. A statement made by one of the young women particularly struck me. When asked why they continue […]
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College Caretaking Casualties
Though the majority of calls that I receive are requests for advice, I had the pleasure of speaking with a female college-age twin about her journey of separating from her sister. I was delighted to hear how she and her sister have been approaching this subject honestly and mutually. Both women realize that their familiarity with one another has limited their ability and motivation to socialize with others. They recognize that they need to do more on their own and […]
Soul Mates or Cell Mates?
Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]
Twinship Gone Amok
Although the twin pairs showcased on the TLC program Twintervention appear extreme and dysfunctional, there are some insightful moments amid the sensationalism. In reality, many twin pairs do have tremendous difficulty separating from one another and so must seek out a significant other who can tolerate divided loyalties. Both married sisters on the show worry excessively about their twin, and neither can bear that her sister is alone and on her own. These circumstances depict a realistic portrayal of codependent […]
My Twins Are Not Close
Parents of twins often feel like dreadful failures if their twins are not close. It’s fascinating that parents of singletons want their children to be close; however, with twins, there seems to be a built-in expectation that closeness is part and parcel of the twinship. This notion is a perfect example of the twin mystique, which projects this expectation on twins and parents alike. While it may seem counterintuitive, the more latitude that you give your twins in expressing ambivalent […]