Most twins who are looking for a therapist hope to find one who is a twin. It is important that nontwins and therapists understand why this is the case. Growing up as a twin is a very different experience than growing up as a singleton–whether you are an identical or a fraternal twin. The bottom line is that twins have grown up with their twin by their side for most of their life, for better or worse. The twin connection […]
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Like an Old Married Couple
A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Big Fish, Small Pond Versus Small Fish, Big Pond
I was talking with a friend of mine struggling with a decision about kindergarten for her five-year-old identical twin daughters. Fortunately, the family was accepted into two excellent schools. The issue was the size of the school–one school had two kindergarten classes, and the other one had five. Separating the girls into their own classroom was not an issue because the family had beautifully prepared for this by separating the girls in their second year of preschool. Ultimately, the parents […]
Adolescence: A Time to Be Tough with Your Twins
Parents of twins, especially younger twins, celebrate and romanticize the twin bond. But preoccupation with the twin bond often prevents parents from making healthy decisions for each twin. In fact, some families are so invested in the twinship that they are unable to recognize the importance of separating the twins from time to time. When parents ask me for advice about how to help adolescent twins refrain from constant bickering, teasing, and criticism, I compare twins to an “old married […]
Dissociation During Pregnancy
After I finished speaking to a group of mothers of twins, a woman approached me and told me about her pregnancy. Her six-month-old fraternal twin sons were doing well. She carried them full term and had no birth complications other than the planned Cesarean birth. This young mother needed to talk about how she felt detached from the babies when they were in utero. She said that she never really felt connected to the babies when she was pregnant. She […]