Parents of twins, especially younger twins, celebrate and romanticize the twin bond. But preoccupation with the twin bond often prevents parents from making healthy decisions for each twin. In fact, some families are so invested in the twinship that they are unable to recognize the importance of separating the twins from time to time. When parents ask me for advice about how to help adolescent twins refrain from constant bickering, teasing, and criticism, I compare twins to an “old married […]
Blog
Dissociation During Pregnancy
After I finished speaking to a group of mothers of twins, a woman approached me and told me about her pregnancy. Her six-month-old fraternal twin sons were doing well. She carried them full term and had no birth complications other than the planned Cesarean birth. This young mother needed to talk about how she felt detached from the babies when they were in utero. She said that she never really felt connected to the babies when she was pregnant. She […]
Biathlon: American Twin Gives Up Olympic Spot to Sister
How do we understand this headline? Competition between twins is built into their relationship. It can be a terrific source of motivation and camaraderie. As the Barnes twins attest, they have trained together for 15 years and have been each other’s strongest advocate and inspiration. Tracy’s decision to give her Olympic spot to her sister, Lanny, has been touted as one of the few feel-good stories for a Winter Olympics sullied by security fears and antigay rhetoric. Those of us who […]
Motherhood Revisited and Reframed
I was chatting with a mom of four-month-old boy/girl twins who had just returned to work full time. She tearfully related that going back to work has not been what she had originally envisioned. She had hoped that she would be able to go home at lunchtime and see the babies; however, that has not been a feasible option. She feels somewhat relieved that her mom, who has helped take care of the twins since they were born, is living […]
Boys Will Be Boys
By mere coincidence, I struck up a conversation with a lovely gentleman in his early 60s who happens to be an identical twin. Of course, I was curious to learn about his experiences, and he graciously shared his twin story with me. The gentleman explained that he and his brother were the eldest of five children. He marveled at his mother’s ability to take care of five children under the age of five all by herself. The children were raised […]