Recently, I presented some material from my research findings about adult twin relationships. I discussed why it is so challenging for some twins to develop a cohesive self. I referenced Dr. Barbara Klein’s book Alone in the Mirror. She feels that since twins are in a metaphorical sense born married, they can never get a divorce. Dr. Klein substantiates her point of view by highlighting how twins remain loyally connected to one another in the face of enormous guilt, resentment, […]
Category Archives: Adult Twins
Twin Loss and Mirroring
I recently connected with a woman whose twin had just died. I was reminded about the unique experience that twins share—that exquisite sense of being known—when she expressed her thoughts: “She just gets me; I don’t have to say anything; she just understands without my having to explain myself.” This young woman felt grief stricken about losing this piece of the attachment with her sister when she realized that there will never be another person to mirror her in this […]
Being Appreciated for Being Me
Every year when I read about the Twinsburg Twins Days Festival or see photographs of grown-up twins who are dressed identically and unabashedly clowning around with their clone, I feel a visceral trigger of old feelings about growing up as a twin freak. Jane and I were always the source of endless curiosity, and I hated (and still hate) being the center of attention without a feeling of substance or worth. Unfortunately, I have never really experienced the joys of […]
Double or Nothing
During my talks at the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association conference, prominent themes recurred. Interestingly, many moms had identical twins, so issues regarding individuation were very important. One concern was that teachers and coaches are often unable or unwilling to learn how to differentiate one twin from the other. We discussed how insulting this laissez-faire mentality is to twins who are yearning to be recognized and how it could lead to poor decision making. Often, one twin will not be celebrated […]