Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]
Category Archives: Adult Twins
Tilting at Windmills
Many psychotherapists feel disheartened and discouraged when treating a couple who appear unable to reestablish trust and stability. A similar situation occurs with twin pairs who struggle to get their relationship back on track. Working through upsetting events and traumatic feelings requires a tremendous amount of effort, dedication, and commitment. I am helping a pair of identical female twins in their midfifties to listen to one another more effectively and rekindle their connection. A number of complex variables hindered the […]
Heartbreak: Loving a Twin
My blog this week is an email that a gentleman wrote to his girlfriend after he reluctantly accepted that her relationship with her identical twin prevented her from making a commitment to him. This gentleman gave me permission to share this with my readers, and the names have been changed to protect the identities. He contacted me after having read The Same but Different. He thanked me profusely for the fact that the book validated his concerns and helped him […]
Fighting to the Bitter End
A mother recently called me to ask if I could help her adult identical twin daughters learn how to communicate with one another. Both women, who are in their thirties and have lived together in their family home since nineteen years of age, have endured a myriad of destructive, quixotic relationships that ended in turmoil and despair. In most cases, the sisters blame one another for the relationship’s demise. Each accuses the other of driving their respective boyfriends away by […]
Happy Twin Pairs—a Celebration
Twin stories abound wherever I go! After people find out that I write books about twins and identify myself as a twin therapist, I am inundated with twin incidents. I spent a week cruising in the Caribbean and heard wonderfully positive stories about twin relationships. One gentleman in his sixties shared how he and his identical twin brother have worked and lived together their entire lives. He had nothing but fantastic things to say about his twin experience. Both brothers […]