This is a familiar lament I hear again and again in my encounters with twins. The individuals I have worked with who confront this conundrum have not been able to separate comfortably from their twin. A tumultuous history of mutual dependence, struggle, and resentment has rendered the twins incapable of communicating authentically. Their ambivalent behaviors toward one another—a push-pull struggle—keep them connected via distrust and guilt. An adult twin in her early forties shared her experiences. She told me that […]
Category Archives: Adult Twins
Identity Capital
I just finished reading a fascinating book called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now. I was drawn to the subject matter because of my work with adult twins. The twenties can be particularly challenging for some twin pairs because they are facing separation struggles and the impact of romantic attachments on their twin connection. Author Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in adult development, defines what she calls “identity capital.” She […]
Caretaking: Comforting or Controlling?
Many individuals who enter helping professions have assumed caretaking roles from a very young age. As children, they may have found themselves in a role reversal with no other recourse but to parent their parents. These children unknowingly give up their own needs to be nurtured, attended to, and soothed because they feel their job is to meet those needs for their parents. Because they lack healthy and secure parent attachments, many children in this predicament grow up without being […]
Missing Out on the Good Times
During one of my recent talks to a Moms of Multiples group, I asked the audience to help me understand why organizing alone time with each twin can be an emotional hurdle. One woman related that alone time with each twin interferes with family time, especially during the weekends when full-time working parents can spend time together with their children. Another woman shared her concerns in a delightfully humorous way. She explained that her well-intentioned, engineer-minded husband was not the […]
Twinfest! A Celebration of Twin Togetherness
Since there are very few gatherings of adult twins, in my presentations, I customarily speak to parents of multiples. So, it was quite a pleasure and an honor to talk to an audience of adult twins who had gathered at the University of Washington to celebrate TwinFest!—the first annual celebration for twins who participate in the university’s Twin Registry. I spoke about my research, my philosophy, and my own experiences of being a twin. I shared how my twin sister, […]