A father of twins raised a poignant dilemma during one of my presentations. He feels terribly uncomfortable praising one twin for his special talent and not being able to do the same for his other son. Specifically, he is uncomfortable complimenting one son’s musical skills because his brother does not demonstrate the same proficiency. He feels guilty and unclear about treating each one differently. That this dad equates praising one son as diminishing the other illustrates how much this father […]
Category Archives: Competition
Defeat or Differentiation
We often hear about twins who cocreate thriving businesses together. The Property Brothers, for instance, are a prosperous twin brand that capitalizes on their twinship to promote lucrative television and real-estate deals. The Olsen twins launched a successful fashion line in their adulthood, making the most of their notoriety as television and movie stars in their younger years. Many other twin pairs have launched productive careers together as artists, writers, businessmen and -women, and athletes. Twin pairs who are unable […]
Let’s Differentiate Comparison from Competition
Many of my twin patients succeeded in working through uncomfortable, hostile competitive feelings toward their twin. They reached a point where they could authentically feel happy and supportive of their twin’s successes and accomplishments. However, when these patients grapple with new emotional struggles and conflicts, they again become susceptible to comparing their circumstances with their twin’s. The comparison triggers deep-rooted feelings of envy and guilt that stem from a shared childhood of caretaking and accommodation. This comparative default position holds […]
Till Death Do Us Part
Twins are born paired with a partner they did not choose. From time to time, twins struggle to find a healthy balance between their connection and their longing to be separate. Inside Edition’s recent story about a twenty-seven-year-old female identical twin who fatally stabbed her sister stunned many people. While it is not uncommon to read about siblings abusing one another, the public seems stupefied that a twin would harm her “soulmate.” This horrific event provides a significant insight into […]
Twin Competition: Friend or Foe?
I have always been intrigued by the stories that I hear from twins about being competitive. Many twins appreciate sharing in the successes of their sibling. Many twin athletes who compete in the same sport, for example, say that they would rather see one of them win than both lose. The motivating companionship of the experience makes the competition invigorating and exciting rather than mean-spirited and malicious. Twins who play competitive sports have a healthy outlet for competitive feelings. In […]