A mother of six-year-old identical twins shared a lovely story that illustrates how natural it can be to attend to each twin’s needs when guilt feelings don’t get in the way. Mother explained that her daughter Sandy talked about wanting to have her own room. Two issues had to be managed. The first was that this sentiment hurt her other daughter, Anna. Anna told her mom that Sandy’s wish to be on her own hurt her feelings. The second issue […]
Category Archives: Competition
Soul Mates or Cell Mates?
Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]
Like an Old Married Couple
A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Biathlon: American Twin Gives Up Olympic Spot to Sister
How do we understand this headline? Competition between twins is built into their relationship. It can be a terrific source of motivation and camaraderie. As the Barnes twins attest, they have trained together for 15 years and have been each other’s strongest advocate and inspiration. Tracy’s decision to give her Olympic spot to her sister, Lanny, has been touted as one of the few feel-good stories for a Winter Olympics sullied by security fears and antigay rhetoric. Those of us who […]
Twins: Team Players or Rivals
The media often reports about twin pairs who work together to create successful businesses. For example, the Olsen twins have been capitalizing on their twinship since they were toddlers. Their fashion line is currently a huge success owing to their name recognition and worldwide fame. Teman and Teran Evans are designers who run Dioscuri; Dean and Dan Caten are founders and owners of Dsquared, an international fashion house; Vera and Daphne Correll are the creators of the fashion label CorrellCorrell; […]