Do you recall the childhood experience of growing a bean seed inside a plastic cup stuffed with moist cotton? I was recently reminded of this when a mom of identical five-year-old twin daughters shared her story. She described how her girls rushed into the kitchen, each carrying her respective bean seed container. One of them was upset that her bean showed no growth while her sister’s seed was sprouting a healthy green root. The mom patiently explained that some plants […]
Category Archives: Competition
Twin Parents’ Fatigue: Relentless Twin Bickering
Twins fight constantly. The interminable squabbling is a drag and a drain. In some ways, this power struggle is another aspect of the twin connection. This dynamic is often encountered in couples whose quarreling becomes the primary way they feel connected. If possible, it’s best to address the issue of fighting between twins sooner rather than later. As much as twins are each other’s biggest rival, they are also one another’s staunchest supporter. How can parents minimize tension and competition? […]
Twins: Seeking Like-Minded Souls
As I describe in my book The Same but Different, twins feel relieved when they can talk about their problems with a fellow twin. Twins have a unique emotional trajectory that does not parallel the experience of different-age siblings. Most siblings are able to express how they feel about their brother or sister. They feel comfortable arguing for status and position without incurring much guilt or opposition. Twins, on the other hand, frequently do not experience this emotional freedom. While […]
Twin Transcendence
I know a number of twin pairs who found solace and companionship with each other in their later lives in spite of uncomfortable emotional struggles with one another throughout their marriages and parenting years. I reflected on this after interviewing a woman who described how she and her twin sister have grown closer as they approach their sixties. This woman remarked that she previously had a problematic relationship with her twin because her husband and sister did not get along. […]
It’s All My Twin Sisters’ Fault
Parents of twins who have older or younger singleton siblings often worry about how their other children cope with the twins’ attention-getting behaviors and public recognition. I recently spoke with a mom who has a middle school–age son and six-year-old twin daughters. She told me that she is frequently distressed when her son says mean things about his sisters and blames them for making him feel angry and frustrated. As the mother and I explored this matter further, I realized […]