A mom of eighteen-year-old twins asked me to help her understand why her son adamantly denied his sister permission to date his friends. Both attend separate schools and thus have different social groups. While I did not know all of the particular details, I shared some ideas about why her son might be feeling this way. Since most adolescents are very wary of parental scrutiny and intrusiveness, perhaps this young man did not feel comfortable allowing his sister into his […]
Category Archives: Identity
IVF and Empty Nest
In my workshop about adult twins at the Multiple Births Canada Conference in Edmonton, one mother shared her grief about her twins going off to college. She recounted that her twins were conceived on her last and final IVF attempt, and they have truly been a gift. Other moms in the group had diametrically opposing outlooks. They were looking forward to a lifestyle liberated from child-rearing concerns and responsibilities. Having personally experienced separations from my children as well as counseling […]
Powering Down the Power of Two
Raising two or more children at a time is a tough gig, especially if they are your first children. Parenting is an acquired skill—the more you do it, the more confident you feel making decisions and choices. Learning how to manage multiples’ needs and behaviors can be a trying situation, especially if you are uncomfortable or unaccustomed to setting limits and being consistent. Recently, I spoke to a mom of three-year-old twins who was on the verge of emotional collapse. […]
Twins Sharing Friends
A mom in the audience at the Multiple Births Canada Conference asked me my thoughts about her eight-year-old identical twin daughters sharing a friend. She related that this triadic relationship has been strong for a number of years. The mother’s efforts to arrange separate play dates for each girl have yielded minimal results. Another mom of six-year-old identical twin girls describes similar circumstances. She contends that her daughters have made friends with one powerful girl who directs their play. Both […]
If She Cries, I Cry
I am always moved to tears when I witness adult twins who can empathize so intensely with each other. They can be in the middle of a contentious interaction when one of them suddenly becomes teary-eyed and upset. Instantaneously, the conflict recedes and empathic resonance sets in. No words are spoken; a nonverbal behavioral change records the vulnerability and redirects the emotionality. Perhaps this intrinsic fine-tuning is the adult version of childhood twin behavior—fighting like cats and dogs over everything […]