Twins who do not get along with their sibling definitely feel a sense of loss. Although the rupture most likely begins with anger and resentment, the ultimate split results in a distressing emotional upheaval. While this estrangement is not tantamount to the death of one’s twin, the split can nonetheless intensify painful feelings of grief and regret. Acknowledging that one’s twin connection is no longer special or comforting is heartbreaking. In fact, some twins feel tremendous shame over the split. […]
Category Archives: Identity
Establishing Uniqueness
The following article was recently published in the Beauty section of Dazed Digital. The author, Layla Haidrani, was kind enough to give me permission to share her reflections on the subconscious fears that led her to first copy her twin’s appearance and then cultivate her own signature look. How Having a Twin Changed My Beauty Identity Layla Haidrani In fear of her twin being perceived as “the prettier sister,” for the last few years, Layla has been emulating sister Salma’s […]
Starving to Be Separate
My friend Leora Eisen, a world-renowned Canadian documentary filmmaker and an identical twin, sent me a CBC article by Bridget Yard titled “As Identical Twins, We Shared Everything. Except My Eating Disorder.” While I found the article very interesting, I believe that some key issues were not explored. I imagine that certain factors could not be explicated due to the very public nature of the publication. Nonetheless, I am presenting a reasonable hypothesis to speculate about deeper issues. While Bridget […]
“A Package Deal”
A few days ago, I read a blog post written by a mother of six-year-old identical twin girls. She was upset that her daughters were having difficulty managing separate relationships with some of their classmates. The girls had been in separate preschool classes, and the mother explained that this separation had worked out beautifully because one daughter had previously become too controlling and bossy. Since she felt that the girls had “individualized enough,” she put them back together for kindergarten […]
Q & A about Twins
Parents of twins often experience unique situations and are left with questions not usually addressed by parenting books or advice columns. Here are some questions I’ve been asked recently about raising multiples, as well as some advice for these sometimes difficult-to-navigate situations. Question: Shall I correct my two-and-a-half-year-old identical twin girls when they argue with me about who is who in a photo? Answer: Yes, I would definitely tell them that you feel differently. The confusion about who is who is […]