Many parents of twins confront the daunting challenge of helping their children develop individual friendships. This is not usually an issue with boy-girl twins, vut same-sex twin pairs frequently have difficulties in this arena. A mom of ten-year-old identical twin girls recently shared a story with me that illustrates this challenge. Both girls have been in separate classrooms since kindergarten. One of the girls, Kaye, has more self-confidence than her sister, Clarissa. She is outgoing, independent, and easygoing. She attends […]
Category Archives: Independence
Like an Old Married Couple
A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Decision Making and Differentiation
A mom of nine-year-old identical twin girls asked me to help her understand a specific dynamic that is playing out between her daughters. On the surface, the circumstances make very little sense to her. Both girls take piano lessons—Annie loves the piano and practices without being asked, but her sister, Amy, rarely practices and asks her parents about playing the trumpet. Their mom understands their differences and does not make a big deal about their divergent likes and dislikes. What […]
Mind the Emotional Gap
A high school senior contacted me a few weeks ago to ask my opinion on separating twins in primary school. She is a fraternal twin, and she and her sister live in the Northeastern United States. I will call her Nancy to protect her identity. At the beginning of our conversation, she asked me very broad, open-ended questions about separating twins. I clarified that it was unrealistic to address her concerns in such a generalized manner, as I certainly could […]
It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To
I don’t imagine most adult singletons experience insufferable conflict over whether or not to invite a sibling to their birthday party. Most likely, singletons have the luxury of celebrating their special day without having to share it with a sister or brother. However, the likelihood that many same age siblings celebrate the majority of their birthdays together is quite probable. Shared birthday parties are expectable, practical, and natural. So, birthdays can be very emotionally challenging for some adult twin pairs […]