In my workshop about adult twins at the Multiple Births Canada Conference in Edmonton, one mother shared her grief about her twins going off to college. She recounted that her twins were conceived on her last and final IVF attempt, and they have truly been a gift. Other moms in the group had diametrically opposing outlooks. They were looking forward to a lifestyle liberated from child-rearing concerns and responsibilities. Having personally experienced separations from my children as well as counseling […]
Category Archives: Loss
Love Me, Love Me Not
A mother of 15-year-old fraternal twin girls came to see me because she was concerned that the verbal and physical fighting between her daughters had escalated to a frightening degree. She told me that Elsa and Avery have always been close. She described Elsa as the easygoing twin who has habitually complied with and tolerated the overbearing behavior of her sister, Avery. But the girls’ attitudes and roles have shifted within the last few months. Avery has become increasingly […]
Twins Want to Win, Not Compromise
Learning how to be tolerant and open to disparate points of view is not easy or simplistic. Many people deliberately avoid discussions about politics, sex, or religion because such conversations evoke passionate and steadfast feelings and beliefs. But learning how to manage disagreements and divergent perspectives is vital for all of us in our intimate relationships because most of us—even identical twins—will not always be in agreement about significant decisions, actions, or opinions. When adult twins do not have sufficient […]
Can Envy Be Benign?
A recent article in the New Yorker magazine discussed and defined the meaning of benign envy. Often people can be confused about the essential difference between jealousy and envy. My definitions are as follows: jealousy is an expectable feeling in response to wanting what someone has or is—a higher-paying job, a better figure, a bigger house, an expensive car, etc.; envy is coveting what the other person has and feeling enormous resentment, rage, and ill will concerning that individual’s accomplishments, […]
Can Your Twin Have a “Normal” Childhood If She Has a Special Needs Twin?
A mom recently wrote this about managing twins with different abilities: I have identical boys, but one will never be able to do everything his brother can, due to a brush with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome in the womb. Although both are healthy, bright kids, their physical accomplishments will always be at a different pace, and as a result, I’ve had to mull this over many times. Thinking about this mom’s situation led me to learn more about how children with […]