It stands to reason that many of us who enter the helping professions have a fundamental proclivity for being helpful, and we enjoy feeling needed and appreciated. In the case of psychotherapists, our professional training, our ongoing personal therapy, and our continuing education enable us to secure and maintain healthy boundaries with our patients. While we experience tremendous gratification and a sense of well-being when our clients are doing well, we are careful not to consciously or unconsciously demand that […]
Category Archives: Mental Health
Rupture without Repair
Sadly, in my work with adult twins, I encounter some pairs whose relationship collapsed due to an inability to resolve competition and conflict. In many instances, the primary sticking points are perceived and real inequities among the twins. For example, who is wealthier, who has the bigger house, who has the happier marriage, who has the more successful children, or who is more physically attractive? Of course, different-age siblings might confront similar issues; however, with same-age siblings, the stakes are […]
Evolving from We to Me
In my writing and presentations, I frequently mention the difficulty twins have with becoming self-ish—that is, learning how to discern their individual feelings, needs, and desires. Understandably, this is a difficult task because they grew up in a twin bubble. The stability of the twin bond requires mutual accommodation to survive conflict and differences. This equilibrium endures in a largely unconscious manner. As a result, multiples who are invested in discovering their individuality struggle to disentangle themselves from the twin […]
It’s My Turn
A stunningly intransigent aspect of the caretaker and cared for twin dynamic is the fixed roles reflected in the dyadic interaction. The caretaker’s sense of self-worth rests upon her success at lifting up her twin. An identical twin in her midforties contacted me because she was worn out, depleted, and depressed after years of caring for her twin, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder more than twenty years ago. She shared that her sister had been sickly since childhood and […]
Providing Clarity for Twins and Their Therapists
I am excited to announce that my new book, Twins in Session: Case Histories in Treating Twinship Issues, is scheduled for release on June 5, 2018. Much of the literature about twins either focuses on extreme emotional and relational abnormalities or perpetuates the stereotype of perfect synchronicity between twins. I wrote Twins in Session to share the stories of real twins who sought help for common, real-life twinship problems. I hope that these case studies will not only help other […]