Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]
Category Archives: Mental Health
Twinship Gone Amok
Although the twin pairs showcased on the TLC program Twintervention appear extreme and dysfunctional, there are some insightful moments amid the sensationalism. In reality, many twin pairs do have tremendous difficulty separating from one another and so must seek out a significant other who can tolerate divided loyalties. Both married sisters on the show worry excessively about their twin, and neither can bear that her sister is alone and on her own. These circumstances depict a realistic portrayal of codependent […]
Ways to Rejuvenate While Caring for Twins
More often than not, getting accustomed to the emotional and physical wear and tear of caring for two babies at the same time is quite a daunting enterprise. Here are some suggestions for finding some temporary solace and regrouping after twins are born: Get away from the babies, the house, and the chores. Find ways to laugh. Go shopping–but not for baby items. Have coffee with a friend who does not have children. Get together with a mentor who is […]
Why Twins Prefer a Therapist Who is a Twin
Most twins who are looking for a therapist hope to find one who is a twin. It is important that nontwins and therapists understand why this is the case. Growing up as a twin is a very different experience than growing up as a singleton–whether you are an identical or a fraternal twin. The bottom line is that twins have grown up with their twin by their side for most of their life, for better or worse. The twin connection […]
Adolescence: A Time to Be Tough with Your Twins
Parents of twins, especially younger twins, celebrate and romanticize the twin bond. But preoccupation with the twin bond often prevents parents from making healthy decisions for each twin. In fact, some families are so invested in the twinship that they are unable to recognize the importance of separating the twins from time to time. When parents ask me for advice about how to help adolescent twins refrain from constant bickering, teasing, and criticism, I compare twins to an “old married […]