The keynote speaker at my son’s graduation ceremony emphasized principles that are currently trendy in business and psychology: the importance of failure and the courage to take risks. He asserted that essential emotional growth happens when we learn from failure and get out of our comfort zone. I thought about these principles as I listened to a mom of four-year-old fraternal twin daughters talk about her parenting challenges. Neither of the girls sleeps through the night. One, whom I’ll call […]
Category Archives: Parenting
One Step at a Time
Many parents of twins confront the daunting challenge of helping their children develop individual friendships. This is not usually an issue with boy-girl twins, vut same-sex twin pairs frequently have difficulties in this arena. A mom of ten-year-old identical twin girls recently shared a story with me that illustrates this challenge. Both girls have been in separate classrooms since kindergarten. One of the girls, Kaye, has more self-confidence than her sister, Clarissa. She is outgoing, independent, and easygoing. She attends […]
It’s the Little Things
I am often reminded by my patients who have young twins how important it is to take note of the little things that parents can pay attention to in order to foster their twins’ separate identities. A mother of seven-year-old identical twin daughters told me the following story. Daughter A told her mother that she wanted to take a bath by herself, not with her twin. Her twin, Daughter B, became angry and belligerent, nagging her mother to let her […]
Mind the Emotional Gap
A high school senior contacted me a few weeks ago to ask my opinion on separating twins in primary school. She is a fraternal twin, and she and her sister live in the Northeastern United States. I will call her Nancy to protect her identity. At the beginning of our conversation, she asked me very broad, open-ended questions about separating twins. I clarified that it was unrealistic to address her concerns in such a generalized manner, as I certainly could […]
Why It’s So Difficult to Just Say No
A few weeks ago, I and a number of other consultants were asked to help a couple with three-year-old fraternal twin boys determine why the boys have not learned how to fall asleep on their own. Both the mom and the dad felt exhausted, frustrated, and defeated. Their innumerable unsuccessful attempts to put the boys to bed in their own room and to have them sleep through the night left the parents feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Both the mom and […]