I recently had the pleasure of speaking to a diverse group of people interested in twin psychology—parents and grandparents of twins, children of adult twins, and twins themselves. I was especially intrigued by a situation shared by a mother of eight-year-old fraternal twin boys. She explained that she consulted a myriad of psychotherapists and behavioral specialists to seek help with her sons’ constant fighting and power struggles. She stated that she was very uncomfortable with conflict and had little success […]
Category Archives: Psychology
Why Twins Prefer a Therapist Who is a Twin
Most twins who are looking for a therapist hope to find one who is a twin. It is important that nontwins and therapists understand why this is the case. Growing up as a twin is a very different experience than growing up as a singleton–whether you are an identical or a fraternal twin. The bottom line is that twins have grown up with their twin by their side for most of their life, for better or worse. The twin connection […]
The Good/Bad Twin Split: A Recipe for Disaster
The psychological effects on twins who are identified as the “good” or “bad” twin are well documented in various writings by Vivienne Lewin, Barbara Klein, and Dale Ortmeyer. The emotional fallout often continues well into adulthood. Understandably, many twins who have been raised this way are completely estranged from one another. The bad twin feels betrayed that his twin colluded with their parents in perpetuating this split. While the good twin relishes the special role that he has coveted, he […]
Thou Shalt Not Covet
I spoke with an identical twin patient in her late twenties the other day about her defensive need to stay in a self-hating mindset. In light of our ongoing work together, this young woman recognizes that she is afraid of relinquishing this mindset because it protects her from getting in touch with other, more threatening and pernicious feelings. In our last session, I asked her to imagine what might feel intolerable if she were to experience herself in a positive […]
Twin Loss: An Epigenetic Accident
A woman in her early twenties (I’ll call her Cathy) wrote me a beautiful email asking for advice about how to deal with the “loss” of her twin. She explained that she had read my book The Same but Different and found it helpful in many ways; however, her circumstances were such that my book could not offer her the specific help she needed. She hoped I would be able to provide additional resources for her after I learned more […]