What can happen when male identical twins grow up without developing an emotional connection? That is, while they shared academic and other activities as children, they did not exchange feelings or emotions about themselves or their relationship. Neither felt that anything was missing as this dynamic seemed normal to them. When they became adults and formed outside interests and romantic relationships, the twin connection could not survive because the brothers had not developed any tools to understand or make room […]

Many years ago, I spoke with a mom of eight-year-old twins who shared one of her daughter’s words of wisdom. Mom and daughter were spending special alone time together. Spontaneously, her daughter turned to her mom and said, “I don’t need my sister, I just miss her.” This sentence has stayed with me always as an illustration of a healthy intimate twin connection. Twins of all ages express varying needs for their twin. These can be experienced in terms of […]

Sibling relationships change significantly over the course of adulthood. As siblings choose partners and have children, unanticipated conflicts arise. Their capacity to tolerance differences becomes integral to their maintaining harmonious connections. However, with twin siblings, many people expect that their relationship will remain forever stable and compatible. Twins themselves seem to be acculturated into thinking and expecting that their childhood connection will seamlessly transition into an adult mindset. A young man in his early twenties (Ralph) contacted me to help […]

The caretaking roles that twins take on for each other can be deep, lifelong, and genuine. However, when the power dynamic shifts, potential problems arise. An identical twin woman in her thirties (Leah) contacted me about her sister (Marissa). Leah has pleaded with Marisa to get professional help for her chronic medical problems, but Marisa refuses. Marisa wants Leah to leave her alone and not interfere. Listening to Leah’s angst and helplessness made me think of parents who cannot impact […]

Recently I have done a number of consultations involving the issue of having an abusive twin. Of course, this type of situation is not uncommon among nontwin siblings. However, it does not fit the stereotypical notion that twins are best friends forever. Nevertheless, on closer examination, it is not difficult to discern how certain twin dynamics can lead to this behavioral paradigm. Twins are exquisitely sensitive to each other’s feelings and needs. To keep their connection stable, one twin may […]