An adult identical twin in her fifties, “Missy,” came to see me to help her resolve her contemptuous and irksome feelings toward her twin sister. Missy was ashamed of these thoughts. She had recently spent a few vacation days with her twin and was distressed that she felt so annoyed by her and could not wait for her to leave. Although they lived on different sides of the country, they had always kept in close contact with each other. At […]

Twin pairs who attempt to break free of their mutual caretaking patterns and habits have a challenging task. Lifelong ways of being together with their most intimate other create havoc when they interfere with separation and individuation. In many cases where one twin interrupts the attachment by connecting with another, the outcome is fraught with jealousy and rage. However, when the twins work together to disentangle their patterns, they are more likely to do so without fear of betrayal and […]

Families are dynamic systems that change and evolve over time. Each member of a family may be subject to competing emotional demands, role definitions and expectations, boundary issues, loyalty conflicts, and coalitions and collusions. A family system’s capacity to be flexible and expansive allows for transitions, ruptures and repairs, inequities, and unforeseen changes. Frequently I work with families of twins who have difficulty adjusting to altered circumstances. While certainly similar struggles occur with singletons, the societal and familial pressures on […]

An identical twin patient in her sixties shared an epiphany with me. In our session, when we were talking about repetitive feelings that trigger a great deal of anger and shame, she explained that she was sick and tired of becoming reactive and filled with “disgusting” thoughts. She related that she desires to be a calm, soft-spoken person rather than someone who unleashes a torrent of nasty and irreverent words if someone leaves a coffee cup on the counter. While […]

Understanding how twins can become overreliant on each other is easy, given their close bonds along with familial and societal expectations of unswerving attachment. However, what may not be as readily understood is why some singletons follow the same emotional route. Of course, each person in these circumstances has a unique family history; nonetheless, it is interesting to note how this dynamic evolves in nontwins too. Singletons usually do not initially present with struggles reflective of codependent relationships. Rather, we […]