An identical twin patient in her sixties shared an epiphany with me. In our session, when we were talking about repetitive feelings that trigger a great deal of anger and shame, she explained that she was sick and tired of becoming reactive and filled with “disgusting” thoughts. She related that she desires to be a calm, soft-spoken person rather than someone who unleashes a torrent of nasty and irreverent words if someone leaves a coffee cup on the counter. While […]

Understanding how twins can become overreliant on each other is easy, given their close bonds along with familial and societal expectations of unswerving attachment. However, what may not be as readily understood is why some singletons follow the same emotional route. Of course, each person in these circumstances has a unique family history; nonetheless, it is interesting to note how this dynamic evolves in nontwins too. Singletons usually do not initially present with struggles reflective of codependent relationships. Rather, we […]

The other day a patient told me that she felt “duped.” I asked her to explain what she meant by that. She related that she experienced feeling betrayed or taken advantage of by someone. As we explored the incident together, it seemed clear in her case that feeling duped felt shameful. Being disappointed by someone appeared less toxic than admitting shame since disappointment does not evoke intense feelings of self-loathing and victimization. Many aspects are at play that may contribute […]

Early childhood researchers from multiple disciplines have generated numerous studies that underscore the importance of early intervention in the assessment and treatment of infant and toddler development. Whether the concerns are physical or emotional, children who are provided a head start sooner rather than later experience tremendous gains. The importance of these early intervention strategies came to mind while I was working with a female identical twin pair in their twenties living abroad who have suffered immensely due to a […]

Not achieving what one’s twin has achieved can cause tremendous shame. Evading crushing anxiety can easily become a lifelong challenge. Many adult twins whose sibling finds a compatible romantic partner or attains a prestigious professional position struggle enormously. For some, the divergences bring up strong emotions that have been bubbling underneath the surface for quite a while. I see this primarily in identical twin pairs. Fraternal twins are confronted with a host of differences from an early age, while identicals […]