The other day a patient told me that she felt “duped.” I asked her to explain what she meant by that. She related that she experienced feeling betrayed or taken advantage of by someone. As we explored the incident together, it seemed clear in her case that feeling duped felt shameful. Being disappointed by someone appeared less toxic than admitting shame since disappointment does not evoke intense feelings of self-loathing and victimization. Many aspects are at play that may contribute […]

Early childhood researchers from multiple disciplines have generated numerous studies that underscore the importance of early intervention in the assessment and treatment of infant and toddler development. Whether the concerns are physical or emotional, children who are provided a head start sooner rather than later experience tremendous gains. The importance of these early intervention strategies came to mind while I was working with a female identical twin pair in their twenties living abroad who have suffered immensely due to a […]

Not achieving what one’s twin has achieved can cause tremendous shame. Evading crushing anxiety can easily become a lifelong challenge. Many adult twins whose sibling finds a compatible romantic partner or attains a prestigious professional position struggle enormously. For some, the divergences bring up strong emotions that have been bubbling underneath the surface for quite a while. I see this primarily in identical twin pairs. Fraternal twins are confronted with a host of differences from an early age, while identicals […]

The individual who wrote the following post has given me permission to share it on my blog. It is a beautiful albeit painful description of how she has managed to understand and accept her twin’s need for separation. As she relates, she has no recourse other than to acknowledge her sister’s reality and feelings. She cannot have a real discussion with her sister or share her own perspective because her sister’s thinking is irrefutable. I wanted to share I made […]

Envy is a topic I have written about frequently as it is a probable consequence of many human interactions. Envying something or someone can be a motivating influence to work toward getting what you’d like for yourself. Or, to the contrary, hateful envy can lead to damaged relationships and disastrous outcomes. Many twin pairs have definitive tendencies toward envious behaviors. This is understandable in light of how much they are compared to each other and viewed as a dyadic couple […]