I’ve noticed an ironic similarity between our country’s division and twin estrangement. The polarization of ideas and beliefs has contributed to tremendous difficulties with communication and empathy about our differences. In the same vein, when I listen to twins who have experienced painful ruptures with their same-age sibling, sometimes I see a pattern whereby their developmental dyadic connection left no space or need to work through conflict. This issue crops up more profoundly between male twins, as female pairs are […]

I am well versed on how codependent attachments can create dysfunctional behaviors in singletons as well as twins. However, my recent experience treating an identical twin woman in her forties who lives on the East Coast has been an eye-opening journey for both of us. The intense and frequent emotional abuse perpetuated upon my patient by her twin sister has been happening for years. Her situation is similar to the dynamics in a romantic relationship where a woman is abused […]

Psychotherapists feel gratified and delighted when a patient’s conflicts are eventually transmuted via successful treatment. Like novelists, psychotherapists relish in their patients’ happy endings, especially if the therapeutic experience involved unearthing painful traumatic events that had interfered with the patients’ happiness and self-love. Naturally, this is not always the outcome, despite our best efforts. Regardless of our predilections, we have to stay within our patient’s self-imposed limitations and goals. I worked for a few years with a delightful young man, […]

One often reads about how a daughter physically resembles her mother. However, unconsciously turning one’s son or daughter into the twin you wish you had is a uniquely complex dynamic. This situation occurred with a female identical twin in her seventies (“Mary”) who contacted me a few years after her sister had unexpectedly passed away. She hoped to find some understanding and compassion about her complicated feelings regarding her twin. She described how their estrangement had widened over the years. […]

Many twins lack an understanding about growing up as a twin until external life circumstances jolt them into a new awareness. I was speaking to an identical female twin in her midtwenties, whom I will call Abby, who repeatedly told me that she would never measure up to her sister. She seemed to feel as if this was an inevitable and unavoidable fait accompli. She concluded there was little she could do about it other than try not to get […]