Many twin pairs—especially identical twins—develop hierarchical roles with each other. Parents often report that the kids may switch roles from time to time, while others describe a pattern that remains stable over their children’s lifetime. The roles are often described as follows: one twin is more outgoing, one twin makes friends easily, one twin takes the lead, one twin speaks and makes decisions for the other, or one twin is more assertive than the other. These characteristics frequently reflect the […]

I have met several twin pairs who truly enjoy working together. They have an innate appreciation for one another’s skills, work ethic, and shared goals. Nonetheless, problems can and do arise when twins have not worked through personality differences that may impede their mutual professional aspirations. In most cases, I believe that the personality differences are longstanding. However, they are accepted passively as just part of the twin package. Yet as twins mature, both desire to be acknowledged and heard. […]

I’d like to share an excerpt from a reader who responded to a blog post that I wrote about the possible struggles of getting involved romantically with a twin. Now, as we all know, there are two or more sides to every story. What she wrote reflected solely what she experienced: Please, can you put together a story for the partners of identical twins explaining the turmoil we have to endure and any coping strategies you can suggest.  I’ve recently […]

Seeing patients develop more joyful mindsets is most gratifying to a psychotherapist. This work requires significant commitment from both the patient and the therapist; a willingness to examine how painful past circumstances contributed to pessimism, hopelessness, and failure; feeling safe enough to articulate feelings of shame and anger without judgment; and recognizing the powerful influence of one’s upbringing, parenting, and personality traits. The goal is for the patient to realize how unhealthy behaviors are consciously or unconsciously replicated. For example, […]

I have worked with an identical twin woman in her fifties, whom I’ll call Dixie, for about two years. We have extensively explored how her traumatic childhood and her twinship contributed to her self-loathing, anger, and helplessness. Her improved sense of self has enabled her to access ambivalent feelings about her sister. Previously, Dixie idealized her twin—she told me that their connection helped stave off devastating verbal attacks from their mother and older sisters. When her twin decided to separate […]