“Gwen is my true soulmate now,” said a beaming thirty-nine-year-old identical twin patient whom I’ll call Clarise. While this sentiment is taken for granted in many twin relationships, my client’s declaration was the outcome of many months of work and a well-earned triumph. Clarise found me via my website after attempting to work out her estrangement from her twin sister, Gwen, with previous therapists who left her feeling misunderstood and lost. Clarise felt bereft about lacking a relationship with Gwen […]

Often, twins who recognize they need a therapist’s help to navigate treacherous emotional terrain can present with an extensive list of grievances about hostile, destructive, and mean behaviors. Usually, one twin in particular acts out by stealing away a best friend or romantic partner, sabotaging the completion of school or work projects, or refusing to share supplies or physical space. However, my conjoint treatment of a pair of twenty-one-year-old identical twins, whom I will call Casey and Francine, reveals no […]

Instead of thinking how lovely it is that twins care so much about each other, when I hear a sentiment such as the one above, I worry. I imagine the overly dependent relationship that most likely exists between the twins. What may begin as a compatible, caretaking, and harmonious twin attachment can turn into a relationship where one or both twins feels trapped and powerless and yet clueless and fearful about change. At some point, one twin usually desires more […]

Parents of twins face a challenging dilemma in attempting to establish equitability between twins who have strikingly different temperaments, needs, and personalities. At times, the twin who appears more laid-back, self-contained, and independent begins to resent his twin sibling who actively and aggressively demands considerable time and attention. Unhappy about the competitiveness with his twin, the “quieter” one devises methods to get recognition and validation. This child might experiment by exhibiting obstinate, stubborn, or controlling behavior. He may become a […]

A recent post on Facebook by a mother asking for advice about handling her twins’ constant arguing generated more than one hundred comments. I read through most of the responses, looking for recurrent themes, thoughts, or threads. Curiously, a number of adult twins wrote that fighting among twins is normal and not to worry. Parents posted concerns about biting, hitting, verbal and physical aggression, and incessant bickering. The post prompted me to reread a book published more than twenty years […]