A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of speaking to two different groups of mental health professionals about the research in my latest book, Twins in Session: Case Histories in Treating Twinship Issues. Since many of the attendees had no personal experiences with twins, they learned about the challenges and hardships of parenting twins for the first time. They were unaware of the unique challenges of carrying, giving birth to, and raising twins. In addition to expanding the attendees’ […]
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“Figure It Out, Parents”
I am quoting a line from a wonderful article written by Meredith Bland for Time.com entitled “When One Twin is More Academically Gifted.” Bland is a well-known and well-respected freelance writer and blogger at pileofbabies.com. She is a fraternal twin herself and the mother of first-grade boy/girl twins. The conundrum she discusses in her article mirrors the dilemma faced by countless parents of twins: how do parents handle school placements when their twins have very different skill sets? Bland shares how […]
The Scrooge of Twindom
My short presentation at the Budapest conference for the International Twin Society for Twin Studies and the World Congress of Twin Pregnancies conveyed my habitual passionate views about what twins require to become healthy individuals. I talked a bit about how parents struggle to differentiate and bond with two babies. Despite our best efforts, we default to labeling rather than describing each child. I am as guilty as the next person of labeling as it provides a shorthand communication that […]
Attachment Woes
Many who did not experience a secure attachment with their primary caretaker struggle with recognizing their potential. Having missed out on “good enough” affect attunement and mirroring, they tend to devalue their strengths and minimize their role in perpetuating conflict and feeling victimized. A recent session with an identical twin gentleman in his sixties evoked these thoughts. Blaine (not his real name) was in therapy with different clinicians for many years. He appeared to be trapped in a cycle of […]
Black-and-White Thinking
After speaking with a client recently, I reflected on why many of us resort to black-and-white thinking when we feel conflicted about our own needs. Twins are especially prone to this conundrum because their lifelong dyadic relationship informs so much of what they do and how they think. Having a same-age significant other constantly sharing and comparing life experiences can dramatically impair one’s ability to see beyond a two-dimensional perspective. Getting stuck in an all-or-nothing thought pattern leaves little room […]