I recently spoke with several twins whose relationships have been adversely affected and undermined by a lack of proper boundaries. This can be an ordinary consequence of navigating a twin connection. However, when boundaries are improperly managed, twins may have serious difficulty recognizing and eventually reconciling the importance of respecting and acknowledging separateness and space. An article from the Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Psychotherapy entitled “Holding the Line: Limits in Child Psychotherapy” stresses the importance of boundaries: Developmental […]
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Silent Sacrifices: Disenchantment and Despair
The majority of my identical twin patients struggle with the lifelong consequences of having been the caretaking twin in their relationship. This dynamic occurs in different familial situations for different reasons—some inexplicable and unconscious and some in response to traumatic childhood experiences in which a relationship with a parent was unavailable or unreliable. Generally speaking, the twin who assumes the caretaking role has a specific developmental trajectory. This dynamic is most pernicious when one twin unilaterally and purposefully takes on […]
Not Seeing Eye to Eye: The Eye of the Twinship Storm
Many of the adult twins that contact me are experiencing emotional pain due to a growing awareness that they are different from their twin. They struggle mightily with this dawning realization that they are not magically and nonverbally on the same page. Often, external circumstances trigger a series of events that make a twin pair’s differences obvious. For example, becoming a parent for the first time can be a tumultuous developmental adjustment for many people. When one twin discovers that […]
Finding Maternal Fulfillment: Not for the Faint of Heart
A recent article in the Wall Street Journal highlights a new trend in parenting books. The author, Ellen Gamerman, reports that this new wave of books focuses on the importance of maternal happiness and well-being. Ms. Gamerman writes that many parenting books induce guilt and self-loathing if parents do not follow the experts’ advice on how to best raise their children. In contrast to this approach, I repeatedly emphasize the importance of maternal fulfillment and happiness. My presentations are full […]
Viewing Twinship through a Developmental Lens
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of speaking to two different groups of mental health professionals about the research in my latest book, Twins in Session: Case Histories in Treating Twinship Issues. Since many of the attendees had no personal experiences with twins, they learned about the challenges and hardships of parenting twins for the first time. They were unaware of the unique challenges of carrying, giving birth to, and raising twins. In addition to expanding the attendees’ […]