People often ask me if I have specialized in the treatment of twins my entire career. The answer is no. While I always had a need to understand how my twinship experience shaped my developmental experiences, this emphasis was more personal than professional in the beginning years of my psychotherapy practice. However, after my fraternal twin sons were born and I became a mother of twins, my psychological understanding of twin attachment deepened. My focus on twin pregnancy, twin births, […]

Sadly, despite monumental parental efforts, one twin may give up vying for recognition. I have seen this dynamic occur more frequently in fraternal twin pairs. Unlike identical twins, who appear more evenly matched in skills, talents, and preferences, fraternal twins are more like singleton siblings who happen to be born at the same time. Sharing only 50 percent of their DNA, they can differ significantly in terms of temperament, looks, abilities, and drive. Frequently when parents tell me about noteworthy […]

An identical twin woman in her late thirties (“Rory”) found me via ChatGPT! It is the first time I have received a referral via AI. I am so glad that we connected because her twin narrative was compelling and enlightening. Rory needed guidance and perspective about her twin’s ongoing hostile and abusive behavior. Rory shared that her twin sister (“Ryder”) repeatedly badmouthed her to friends and family. The family dismissed this behavior—“Oh you know, angry, mean Ryder”—and advised Rory to […]

Why do people feel they have the right to publicly shame and embarrass twins? How are they so insensitive to the emotional harm they may inflict when they casually remark, “Oh, you are the fatter twin,” “You are the nicer twin,” “You are the prettier twin,” “You are the smarter twin,” “You are the sociable twin,” “You are the athletic twin,” “You have a smaller nose,” “Your eyes are further apart than your sister’s,” or “Your hairstyle is cuter”? I […]

Many people assume that all twins are spontaneously and energetically in tune with each other. They hear them completing each other’s sentences and witness synergetic nonverbal behaviors. While these actions occur frequently, especially between identical twins, they do not necessarily contribute to the development of empathic behavior in twin pairs. Usually, one twin exhibits more empathic capabilities than the other. More than likely, that twin’s emotional intelligence catapults her into the role of the caretaker twin. She is exquisitely attuned […]