In most instances the twins who seek my help have had very limited opportunities to be physically or emotionally separate from their twin. However, the other day I had a consultation with a thirty-two-year-old identical twin man who felt that his upbringing was fraught with difficulties because his parents insisted on excessive separation from his brother. He believed that competition with his twin was somehow transferred to vying for their mother’s praise and validation. Ironically, this dynamic dramatically exacerbated challenges […]

The notion of accepting a less than desired outcome is a difficult lesson and a bitter pill to swallow. Often we strive to make things or have things go in the direction that we desire. This idea can apply to relationships of all kinds as well as to decisions we make about spending money, redecorating our home, or buying a car. We do our best to live with whatever consequences may result. So it goes with making peace with your […]

An identical twin who lives in the UK contacted me with the following inquiry: “I have a history of failed relationships because growing up I was so dependent upon my twin brother. How do I break this pattern?” Ivan told me that he and his twin brother, Igor, did everything together and never spent one day apart. However, when their jobs landed them in separate cities, each was living alone for the first time. Ivan had had a few serious […]

Many twins will tell you that losing a twin is unlike other sibling losses. The depth and power of the twin bond that has grown over a lifetime cannot be duplicated by any other intimate connection. Their lives of shared experiences—both positive and negative—are embedded in their collective DNA. I was speaking a few days ago to a young man in his thirties whose identical twin passed away about a month ago. His death was unexpected because his cancer had […]

A young woman in her thirties, whom I will call Martha, grew up in a volatile household. Her twin, Marsha, was her security, safety, and protection from an abusive mother and nasty older sisters. Martha was devoted to her twin and never entertained the notion that one day Marsha would want or need space from her. This unexpected predicament occurred after they graduated from high school. Martha had assumed they would live together and attend the same university. So she […]