A few months ago, a lovely couple contacted me seeking guidance about their four-year-old identical twin boys. The parents reported that the boys’ daycare teachers had informed them that their sons were not listening nor cooperating appropriately. Naturally, Mom and Dad were concerned and attempted to get more clarification about these behavioral issues. As our discussion progressed, it occurred to me that two salient factors were at play: first, the daycare center workers had no experience with or understanding about […]

I am sensitive to the fact that wedding plans may evoke and reawaken old as well as present family discord. There are delicate issues to decide upon, such as who will be included and who won’t be invited. Most of the time, siblings are an integral part of the celebration if their relationships are congenial. However, if they are absent from the festivities, it does not appear to be as problematic as a twin not attending her twin’s nuptials. Why […]

In most instances the twins who seek my help have had very limited opportunities to be physically or emotionally separate from their twin. However, the other day I had a consultation with a thirty-two-year-old identical twin man who felt that his upbringing was fraught with difficulties because his parents insisted on excessive separation from his brother. He believed that competition with his twin was somehow transferred to vying for their mother’s praise and validation. Ironically, this dynamic dramatically exacerbated challenges […]

The notion of accepting a less than desired outcome is a difficult lesson and a bitter pill to swallow. Often we strive to make things or have things go in the direction that we desire. This idea can apply to relationships of all kinds as well as to decisions we make about spending money, redecorating our home, or buying a car. We do our best to live with whatever consequences may result. So it goes with making peace with your […]

An identical twin who lives in the UK contacted me with the following inquiry: “I have a history of failed relationships because growing up I was so dependent upon my twin brother. How do I break this pattern?” Ivan told me that he and his twin brother, Igor, did everything together and never spent one day apart. However, when their jobs landed them in separate cities, each was living alone for the first time. Ivan had had a few serious […]